Recently, I have realized something about myself and my autism. A characteristic of autism is repetitive behaviors. It's a required characteristic to have in order to be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. A repetitive behavior can be almost anything. It could be rocking, spinning, a child pushing the same button on a toy, listening to the same song, watching the same video, anything.....over and over and over again.
Mine used to be worse when I was younger. I'd rewind and watch the same movie over and over again. I'd listen to the same song as many times as someone would let me. I loved those books that had buttons that made noises. I really didn't even care about the story, just pushing the buttons haha. I used to have a little rocking chair that I would sit in all the time and rock in it while I watched TV. Now that I'm older, those repetitive behaviors have mostly disappeared.....mostly. My favorite place to sit is still in a rocking chair where I can just rock back and forth and watch TV, read, talk to people, whatever I want. If I get a new favorite song, I will still listen to it over and over again until either I get sick of it or other people do. However, the thing I realized about myself was about movies.
If I really like a movie, I could watch it probably every other day and not get tired of it. For example, right now my movie of choice is Divergent. I don't know how many times I've watched that movie, but I love it and could watch it again. It's not as bad as when I was younger and would watch the same movie over and over again in one day. However, I still see that characteristic in myself.
I also like to watch videos on YouTube. I have an account, and I'm subscribed to many channels. Right now, I'm obsessed with one channel called grav3yardgirl. Most of her videos are about make up, beauty tips, clothes, stuff like that. She also does videos in which she tests out As Seen On TV products to see if they really work. I love those videos. She also has videos where she goes shopping and takes her camera into the store so you can "follow her around" the store. I love those too because they're fun. She has a crazy, random personality.....like me sometimes lol. I can also relate to her because she vlogs about how she deals with anxiety and depression and all that not-so-fun stuff. I've been there.
Here's where the autism comes in. There are several videos I love and find really funny. I have watched these videos so many times, I couldn't even tell you how many. With these, I find myself watching them over and over again multiple times in a day. It's usually when I get home after a long day, and I need something to make me feel better. I know her videos are going to make me laugh, and, since I've watched them so many times, they are predictable. Autism loves predictability lol. Don't get me wrong. I'll go out and try new things and be spontaneous if I want to be. However, at the end of the day, at least for this girl with autism, it's nice to have something predictable that I can control.....and something that makes me laugh. It's weird that even though I know what's going to happen, it still makes me laugh.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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