I apologize for being away for a while. It's been a while since my last post, and that's because my life has been crazy busy. The end of the semester is coming up, projects are due, I've been doing stuff with the social club I'm a part of, I have a boyfriend, and my best friend, Erin, got married. Wow! Now, this last weekend, I was sick. Ugh! It never ends! Haha but I found some time to write this today, and I want to tell y'all about Erin's wedding! But from the perspective of someone with autism.
Weddings are great and fun, but they can be tiring and a little overwhelming too...even if you're not the one getting married lol. I knew going into that weekend that I would be around a lot of people I didn't know. I knew that although I was going to Erin's wedding, I wouldn't get to spend a lot of time with just her. I knew that I'd be sleeping in people's houses that I didn't know. There were just so many things that I just wasn't sure of, and that made me nervous. However, I was super excited because I was getting to see Erin, whom I don't get to see very often. I was happy to get to be a part of this joyous occasion in her life.
It was hard though. I'll admit that while it was a great time and I would do it again, I was glad to go home at the end of the weekend. The weekend was full of running around, people I didn't know, no alone time to process things, changes in plans, and high emotions. By Saturday night, I was just a bit overwhelmed haha. Saturday is when plans changed. Hey, it happens. However, by that time, I was tired (physically and emotionally), hungry, and completely overstimulated. With other factors that played into that change of plans, I nearly had an anxiety attack. Good thing I have really good friends who understand and are willing to help me out! On my way back to where I was staying the night, which was 2 hours away, I had myself a good meltdown. I'm pretty sure I cried for a good hour and a half of the 2 hour drive. Sure did sleep good that night lol. Like with many autistic meltdowns, people have to understand that it's not just one thing that sets them off. It's an accumulation of things that pile up and eventually become to much to handle, leading to overstimulation or feeling overwhelmed.
One of the best things about that weekend, though, was I got to meet some of Erin's other "sisters". They were some pretty amazing women :) I found it easy to talk to them, which is saying something for a person on the autism spectrum. I don't really know what else I was expecting though LOL. It's almost like there was this automatic acceptance of each other. Like, we didn't even know one another but since Erin was our friend, we were friends too. I liked that because I feel like I don't get it very often from people I've just met. For them, my past didn't matter. It didn't matter if I had bipolar disorder or autism. It didn't matter if I did things differently or that my social skills were a little lax. They accepted me as a friend and "sister" anyway. Also, I felt I could just be myself around all of them without having to try so hard to be "socially acceptable" or "normal" or "typical". Pick your term. Sometimes when I meet new people or am around certain people, I feel like I have to try too hard. Then there are those that I know I can just relax and be myself (You know who you are LOL). Also, I have to give some credit here. I was thinking about it, and I realized just how easy it was for me to talk to those women that weekend. Part of that had to do with their personalities, but part of it had to do with my going through RUSH. Going through RUSH really brought me out of my shell and gave me confidence I didn't have before. I realized that if I hadn't gone through RUSH, I may not have talked so openly with those women that weekend. I'd have been happy to keep myself, or I'd have been afraid to open myself up to people I didn't know. However, after going through a process like RUSH where you're meeting new people all the time, meeting a couple of new people that weekend was a breeze! Lol Also, being in club has taught me that opening up to people won't kill me haha. Some people are willing to listen, and they can be trusted. Just because your past is a little rocky doesn't mean you're unlovable. Just because you're a little different doesn't mean people won't accept you.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
