Thursday, April 18, 2013

Finally Understanding True Empathy

     As you probably know, empathy is something that people on the autism spectrum struggle with. We have a hard time putting ourselves in another person's place and understanding how they feel in a particular situation. I'm no exception. Normally, unless I've experienced a situation like the one you're going through, I don't know how you feel. This makes it very difficult for me to comfort you and give you advice or encouragement. This is especially true at funerals.
     Last week, my aunt (my dad's sister) passed away. It was expected but still very hard. The days before she passed were very emotional. However, in the midst of all that, I was able to do something I don't think I've ever done before. I saw my family members from different perspectives. I saw them in different roles other than what they were in relation to me. This became more than just me and my loss. It wasn't just me that was losing an aunt. 
     When I looked at my dad, he wasn't just my dad. I saw a brother who was losing his sister. When I looked at my grandparents, I saw parents who were losing their child. Parents shouldn't have to bury their child, no matter how old they are. When I looked at my older cousins, I saw children that were losing their mother. When I looked at my other aunt, I saw a sister who was losing her sister. When I looked at my younger cousins, I saw little children who were losing their grandmother. They are so young. Some of them are around the age I was when I lost my other grandma to cancer. I don't remember much of her anymore. When I look at them, I can't help but think, "How much will they remember of her?" I know they don't really understand what was going on. 
     During this process, I cried...a lot. I cried hard and long several times. But it's not so much my loss I cry for. It's more for the pain and hurt I share with my loved ones, and the loss they feel. And even though I haven't lost my brother or a sister or my mom or children, I felt their pain as if I had. That's when it hit me. That is what true empathy is: being able to share another person's grief, sadness, pain, joy, happiness, excitement, or whatever the feeling may be even if you haven't experienced what they're experiencing. Being able to see the situation from that person's point of view instead of your own. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~