Thursday, June 19, 2014

Sensory Overload: Meltdown Triggers

     The other day, I was reminded how even the littlest thing can trigger a meltdown sometimes. On this particular day, I had a pretty busy day. Work was pretty stressful. Even though I only worked until 2:30, I didn't have another teacher to help me. I know I can do it by myself, but it still makes me anxious. So that was an anxiety-provoking morning. Then I got to go home for a while, relax, and be by myself. This was good because it helps me unwind from all the overload I get from the outside world and people around me. 
     That evening, I went to a surprise dinner for a friend that was in town for Houston. She moved away a few months ago, and she finally came down for a visit! Other than her, me, and our other friend, there were a lot of parents of her old preschool kiddos there. (She's a preschool teacher). Most of them brought their kids. I'd seen most of them around since we used to work at the same preschool, but I didn't really know any of them. Our other friend was also her old aide, so she knew all the parents as well. They easily talked to everyone there. I only knew two of the parents, and that's not even very well. I talked to them some but not a lot. Most of the time, I sat there listening to everyone else talk, chiming in every once in a while if I had a relevant comment. Worse than being an Aspie in a room of unfamiliar people making small talk was that we were having dinner in a restaurant that also had arcade games. There were a lot of kids running around, yelling, lights going off, noises, so much sensory stimuli. It was crazy! I found myself spacing out a lot. 
     When we finally got out of there, I wanted some snacks. As I was headed to Walgreens, I passed a cop car that was parked outside a house. I hate emergency vehicle lights. They flash, and they're bright. I tried not to look at them, but I had to watch where I was driving. I was trying to watch the road out of the corner of my eye. I thought I was past it and looked up. I wasn't. The lights flashed right in my eyes! They were bright. They hurt my eyes and my head. I suspect normal people aren't even bothered by them, but they are like torture to me. When that happened and after all the other stuff that happened that day, I was pushed to my limit. I was in sensory overload, and I went into a meltdown. I started crying, and I was mad. I cried for a good 15 or 20 minutes. Sometimes, my meltdowns are longer than that. It just depends on how overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, sad, or mad I am. 
     When I think back to that day, I think about what that might look like to someone else. Sometimes, when a person with autism gets upset, it seems like it's the simplest thing that triggers a meltdown. However, "typical" people may not see the other things that are affecting the autistic person, causing that anxiety to rise until it explodes. It may not be just that one simple thing or even some big, dramatic event that's the trigger for a meltdown. Sometimes, it's the accumulation of little things that pile on top of each other until the person gets pushed over the edge. They can't take one more. With me, it wasn't just the police car lights; although, it might have seemed that way to someone had they been with me. That event just happened to make the pile tumble over. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~