I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome when I was 19 years old. When I tell people this, most of the time, their question is, "Why did it take so long for you to get diagnosed?" I have several theories to answer that question, and I actually think it was a combination of things. Today's post will talk about those factors.
First of all, people with Asperger's are usually diagnosed later in life. Because we are on the higher end of the spectrum, our characteristics are less severe and, therefore, less noticeable. My parents and teachers definitely noticed I was different, but they didn't know it was because of Autism. I was the one who learned about Autism from working with young children, and I noticed similarities in myself and them.
Second, one characteristic of Asperger syndrome is average to above average intelligence. Most of the time, a child is recognized as having a condition because they are having trouble in school. However, I always had good grades and never really had problems with school. Obviously, being on the spectrum, I had social and emotional problems, but they were thought of as "quirks" or "just who I was". I did get in trouble quite a bit because some of my teachers didn't understand me and how or why I did certain things. Eventually, everyone just came to this understanding of "that's just Kelcy".
Third, Asperger syndrome, which is my official diagnosis, is a relatively new diagnosis and now an obsolete one. Hans Asperger first described Asperger syndrome in 1944; however, it wasn't an official diagnosis until 1994 when I was already 4 years old. Now, I was diagnosed in 2009. As of 2013, they changed the diagnosis and the criteria. It's now just Autism Spectrum Disorder, and there is a range from mild to severe. Asperger syndrome doesn't exist as a diagnosis anymore.
Fourth, I am a girl. Autism presents more often in boys. On top of that, it is recognized less often in girls because people put more expectations on girls to fit in socially and have better social skills. Girls are expected to know how to talk about their feelings and make other people feel better. They are expected to be the nurtures and social butterflies. They are expected to go into professions that involve people skills and dealing with other people. I understand that is slowly changing, but it was that way for a long time. Autism is still less recognized in girls than boys.
Finally, my mom pointed out the other day that I grew up in a small town with a tight-knit community. Everyone knew and looked out for each other. I was pretty well protected and sheltered from many things in our little community. We pretty much had our routines, there were no strangers to me, everything was familiar. It would explain why the characteristics of an ASD would be less noticeable until I was older.....like when I moved off to college. Even though I was only 30 minutes away from home, I left that familiarity. I left everyone I knew, the routines, the protection of the community I had known for almost 18 years. It's when my ASD characteristics became so much more pronounced, interfered with my life, and I sought a diagnosis.
I've been asked a couple of times if I was mad or upset I wasn't diagnosed earlier. That maybe I could've gotten services or at least known. No, I'm not mad or upset. Also, I don't blame anyone. For the most part, I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed until later in life. I wouldn't have understood it as a child anyway. Also, back when I was in school, I feel like the popular thing to do was to stick a label on you and put you on medication. Well I didn't need medication....or a label. Plus, the "services" I would've had at my disposal were limited and probably wouldn't have helped anyway.
I'm glad because my parents raised me believing I was like everyone else. They had high expectations for me and always pushed me to do my best in everything I did. I was expected to have social etiquette and manners.They understood I did things differently, and that was ok. Growing up, I knew there was something different about me; though, I didn't know what it was. But because of the way my parents and family treated me, I knew it didn't matter. I was no less than anyone else.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Autism in Love
This post is inspired by the documentary by the same name, Autism in Love. It premiered on PBS and can be purchased to stream online, like from Amazon. I've also been wanting to write this post for a while and just haven't had time. However, since my recent graduation from college, I have more time and now am ready to write this.
At the time I'm writing this, Tommy and I have been together for almost a year. It has been quite a journey getting to know each other and building our relationship. We've grown as individuals and as a couple. We've seen each other at our best times and at our worst times. Being on the spectrum presents some unique challenges to our relationship at times. Never anything we can't handle and work through. We both know each other's pasts and deepest secrets and yet.....we're still together and going strong.
My past in relationships is not a good one. It's filled with heartache, abuse, unfaithfulness, and rejection. It broke me. It broke my trust in every other guy I tried to date. It broke my self-esteem to where I felt I didn't deserve a good guy to love. It broke my faith that a guy could ever love someone like me, with everything that had happened to me and all my flaws. I was single for four years in which time I worked on myself. I got to know who I was as an individual, worked through some of those negative feelings, and dealt with my broken past. Then I met Tommy.
Even though he may not have known it at the time, I knew there was something different from the very beginning. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I knew something was there. People tried to warn me, told me to be careful. I didn't want to listen. Surely they must be wrong. I just knew that if I stayed true to myself, who I was, and what I believed in, I'd have nothing to worry about. I was right. He tells me often how I changed him and his way of thinking. However, I want him to know how much he changed me too.
He accepts me the way I am: flaws, past, and all. When he found out I was on the Autism spectrum, he treated it as another fact about me. He didn't flinch away. He didn't get weird about it. Most importantly, he didn't treat me any different, and he didn't leave. A couple of guys I've dated, once they found out that I was on the spectrum, just left. Stopped talking to me, didn't hear from them again. Not Tommy. He's gone above and tried his best to understand everything that comes with having a girlfriend on the spectrum. I couldn't ask for anything more.
I have also feared that if being on the spectrum didn't turn a guy away, my past would. I used to feel unlovable at times. I used to think that no good guy would want to be with me if they found out the things that had happened to me. I thought that maybe they would blame me for what had happened. Tommy and I have both shared our pasts with each other. He proved that not only does he love me despite my past, he vowed to never bring it against me and to never be like the guys in my past. He showed me that no matter what had happened to me, no matter what any of those other guys may have said, I am lovable. I am beautiful. I matter. I mean the world to him.
He taught me how to trust again. I hadn't realized that in addition to not being able to trust, I had also built up this enormous wall. Every time I shared something else personal, every time I opened up, the wall came down just a little bit. I was surprised, however, to discover just how big I had built that wall. All these fears and insecurities I had, secrets I withheld, being scared of physical contact. He's proved to me time and time again, each step we take, that he's not like the rest. He's not like the ones I've had in my past. I was right from the beginning; he is different. This time is different. He respects me and listens to me. He tries to understand, and we communicate with each other in a way that I've never been able to communicate with someone before.
My mom used to tell me that when I found the right person and was in love, I would just know. I never knew what she meant until I met Tommy. She was right. I just knew. That little something inside me telling me this one was different. There was something special about this one. I love him with all my heart, and he means the world to me. I may have a hard time expressing myself sometimes, but I want him to know just how much he means to me and how grateful I am that God brought us together.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me
At the time I'm writing this, Tommy and I have been together for almost a year. It has been quite a journey getting to know each other and building our relationship. We've grown as individuals and as a couple. We've seen each other at our best times and at our worst times. Being on the spectrum presents some unique challenges to our relationship at times. Never anything we can't handle and work through. We both know each other's pasts and deepest secrets and yet.....we're still together and going strong.
My past in relationships is not a good one. It's filled with heartache, abuse, unfaithfulness, and rejection. It broke me. It broke my trust in every other guy I tried to date. It broke my self-esteem to where I felt I didn't deserve a good guy to love. It broke my faith that a guy could ever love someone like me, with everything that had happened to me and all my flaws. I was single for four years in which time I worked on myself. I got to know who I was as an individual, worked through some of those negative feelings, and dealt with my broken past. Then I met Tommy.
Even though he may not have known it at the time, I knew there was something different from the very beginning. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I knew something was there. People tried to warn me, told me to be careful. I didn't want to listen. Surely they must be wrong. I just knew that if I stayed true to myself, who I was, and what I believed in, I'd have nothing to worry about. I was right. He tells me often how I changed him and his way of thinking. However, I want him to know how much he changed me too.
He accepts me the way I am: flaws, past, and all. When he found out I was on the Autism spectrum, he treated it as another fact about me. He didn't flinch away. He didn't get weird about it. Most importantly, he didn't treat me any different, and he didn't leave. A couple of guys I've dated, once they found out that I was on the spectrum, just left. Stopped talking to me, didn't hear from them again. Not Tommy. He's gone above and tried his best to understand everything that comes with having a girlfriend on the spectrum. I couldn't ask for anything more.
I have also feared that if being on the spectrum didn't turn a guy away, my past would. I used to feel unlovable at times. I used to think that no good guy would want to be with me if they found out the things that had happened to me. I thought that maybe they would blame me for what had happened. Tommy and I have both shared our pasts with each other. He proved that not only does he love me despite my past, he vowed to never bring it against me and to never be like the guys in my past. He showed me that no matter what had happened to me, no matter what any of those other guys may have said, I am lovable. I am beautiful. I matter. I mean the world to him.
He taught me how to trust again. I hadn't realized that in addition to not being able to trust, I had also built up this enormous wall. Every time I shared something else personal, every time I opened up, the wall came down just a little bit. I was surprised, however, to discover just how big I had built that wall. All these fears and insecurities I had, secrets I withheld, being scared of physical contact. He's proved to me time and time again, each step we take, that he's not like the rest. He's not like the ones I've had in my past. I was right from the beginning; he is different. This time is different. He respects me and listens to me. He tries to understand, and we communicate with each other in a way that I've never been able to communicate with someone before.
My mom used to tell me that when I found the right person and was in love, I would just know. I never knew what she meant until I met Tommy. She was right. I just knew. That little something inside me telling me this one was different. There was something special about this one. I love him with all my heart, and he means the world to me. I may have a hard time expressing myself sometimes, but I want him to know just how much he means to me and how grateful I am that God brought us together.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me
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