Bipolar Disorder

     Yesterday, at one of my 3-month psychiatric evaluations, I learned my "official" mood disorder diagnosis. It's Bipolar Disorder-NOS or Not Otherwise Specified. This means I have a lot of characteristics for a bipolar diagnosis, and I respond positively to a mood stabilizer. However, I haven't quite met all the criteria for any of the specific bipolar disorders yet...at least as far as they've seen. 
     It's interesting I still have this "label". Not Otherwise Specified is not used in the DSM anymore to name disorders. Now, it would be Unspecified Bipolar Disorder. The definition doesn't change, just the name. Personally, I think they changed it to shorten the name. Anyway, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a couple of years ago; before the current DSM manual came out. They still used the term NOS. Also, since the current DSM is so new, a lot of doctors still use the term.
     If anything, I still hold the belief that my diagnosis should be Bipolar II Disorder. I know myself pretty well and, well, I'm around myself more than they are LOL. I think I fit the criteria pretty well. Not that it matters. I love the medication I'm on. Whatever the specific type of disorder I have, the medication works for it. After years of failed medications, this is great. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~

I Wish You Could Walk a Mile in My Shoes

I wish you could see what I see
I see the pattern of a leaf
And every blade of grass
I see all the colors of a painting
And each stroke of the brush

I like to look at the spinning fan
And the scenes that rush by
The window of the car
I like to watch a ball
As I roll it in front of my face

I don't like bright lights
Or when there are too many sights
I may not look into your eyes
Because they are filled
With things I may not understand

I wish you could hear what I hear
I hear the instruments of a song
And the animals calling out
I hear my mom and dad
When they say, "I love you."

I hear thunder in a storm
And the loud crash
Of something breaking on the floor
Those sounds pierce my ears
And I cover them with my hands

I hear you say my name
And when you laugh at me
I hear when you talk to me
And when you talk about me
I understand more than you think

I wish you could feel what I feel
Sometimes I feel happy and excited
I like to jump and bounce around
Or skip and run about
It gets all my energy out

Sometimes I feel scared, anxious, or frustrated
I may move my body in odd ways
Or scream and cry and hit
I may even lash out at people I love
I'm just trying to show you how I feel

I wish you could think how I think
I experience the world
Different than most people
Many people don't understand
Though they may try

I often stare off and want to be alone
People say I'm in my own world
Maybe I am
But how do you know I'm not also
Thinking, dreaming, inventing, creating, reflecting?

Anything I want to do, I can
If you just give me a chance
I may work on my own time
And I might need some help
But I am not limited

I have Autism
And this is my world
I want you to know
I am more than what you see
I am more than what you think

I wish you could experience
The world the way I do
And understand my point of view
It sure would help you if you
Could walk a mile in my shoes

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~

Protandim: Week Three

     I meant to write this yesterday but never got around to it. I've been on Protandim for 3 weeks now. There really haven't been any significant negative effects from it. I have experienced the common side effects from Protandim but not enough to decrease the dosage or stop taking all together. The only side effects are headaches (which I am used to anyway lol) and mild stomach upset. However, Protandim has made my stomach better in that I can go to the bathroom easier and more regularly. You're welcome for that information haha. But that's a big deal for me since I've had stomach problems since childhood.
     In my other posts, I mentioned that I may be going through a period of elevated mood called hypomania. Yesterday, my therapist agreed. So, Protandim was helping my concentration, energy, etc. Well, hypomania is affecting my concentration right now too but in the opposite way. Because of increased energy and agitation, it's hard to concentrate. My body wants to move most of the time, which is not convenient during class. The good thing is I have good insight into my condition, and I know the episode will pass soon.

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~