So I have learned something new about myself recently. I mean, I've probably always been like this, but I'm just now starting to realize and understand what it is and what it means. I don't know if other people with autism are like this, but I am.
I am what I call an emotional sponge. The strongest emotion in the room is the one I soak up, even if I don't mean to or know what it is. If it's strongly happy, then I'm happy. If it's strongly sad, then I'm sad. If it's strongly angry, then I'm angry. You may think, "Well everyone does that." In a sense, yes they do. However, when it happens to me, it usually happens subconsciously. My mood will change, and I won't even know why. For example, I was hanging out with a group of friends one time. I didn't know it at the time, but there was some tension between two of them about something that had happened earlier. They said nothing about it and tried to act normal. However, the longer we hung out, the more tense and anxious I started to feel. I was even starting to feel angry and started to shut down. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way until I learned what was going on between my two friends. It bewildered me that even though I had no idea what was going on, I still felt all those emotions. It's like I was being empathetic without even knowing it.
Another thing that comes with being an emotional sponge is the way I listen to people who are hurting or upset. Let me explain. I've just recently paid attention to this as well. When I listen to people share a story that makes them cry or involves any kind of strong emotion, I tend to (again) soak it all in. For example, I recently had to share my testimony along with some of the other girls. I cried some while giving mine and cried a little when the others shared theirs. Compared to everyone else, though, I hardly cried. I sat there with what felt like a flat expression on my face, hugged my knees to my chest, and just listened. Only when everyone was finished did I break down into choking sobs. It almost felt like I was absorbing everyone's hurt, all their negative emotions for them, and letting them out in one big cry. I understand I can't really do that. Sometimes, I wish I could, but that's what it feels like for me.
Being an emotional sponge with autism is really hard sometimes. It's hard for me to identify and understand emotions when I know what's going on in the first place. When I don't know what's going on but I start feeling all these emotions anyway, it can be really confusing! Now I'm not saying I'm totally clueless. However, if I'm getting an angry vibe or something, I'm going to be trying to figure out what's going on. That may not be very easy. Now, is it always a bad thing? Absolutely not. It can be good because it causes me to feel how others feel, empathy. It allows me to (hopefully) identify those feelings and try to do something to help. Now that I know this happens to me, maybe I can work on improving it. Maybe I can start trying to understand it better and use it as an advantage. Maybe it will help me be even better at empathizing. Not saying I'm horrible at that, but I could be better. Getting better all the time at this social stuff ;)
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Autism and the Holidays
The holidays can be a wonderful time with fun, family and friends, games, food, travelling, and gifts. Many people get time off of work, and students get time away from school. They welcome this time to get to relax and do whatever they please. While I love all of these things too, let add to it what it's like for a person with autism during the holidays.
Number 1 thing is I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I don't like going to the store anyway, on any normal day. However, during the holidays, forget about it. When it all comes down to it, you may not get a present if I couldn't brave going into the store. It's not that I don't love you or don't want to get you anything; it's just that I wouldn't volunteer myself for the Hunger Games. If I can find it online, bonus! I will pay a little extra for shipping and handling. I know what you're thinking, "Everyone hates shopping during the holidays." No, you don't understand. Going shopping during the holidays means at least 3 times as many people as normal pressing into the same sized store. That increases the chances of people touching me, squishing me, bumping up against me. Not okay. Also, I'm a bit claustrophobic. I like enough space to move around in, and I don't like to feel squished and boxed in. Plus, more people equals A LOT more noise. Can you say over-stimulation? Then in all this mess of navigating through masses of people and noise, I still have to actually look for gifts for people. That takes some focus as well. I feel like I'm not giving all my thoughts into picking good presents because my mind has to deal with all the other stimulation that it can't block out.
Right now, I'm on a break from school and work. On one hand, the break has been nice and I needed it. On the other hand, I'm completely off schedule now. It's difficult for me to fall asleep before 2 am, which isn't going to be fun in 2 weeks when I'll have to be at work at 8 am. People with autism often do better with structure and scheduled time. That's why, even though I complain about it sometimes, I actually function well when school and work are going on.
I love, love, love being with my family during the holidays, but I noticed I couldn't keep conversation going the whole time. On Christmas Eve, we always go to my great aunt's house for lunch/dinner. I started out talking to everyone, eating, joking around, etc. After a while, I ended up playing a handheld video game and kind of zoning out. It's not their fault; they're awesome people. Love them to death. I just can only do so much socialization at one time. After that little break, I was good for the rest of the time. Went out and talked some more.
While the holidays can be challenging to someone with autism, they are still so wonderful. I have a wonderful, supportive family that I got to spend lots of time with. I ate tons of good, home-cooked food. Being a picky eater, you've got to love when you get to eat all your favorite foods LOL. Also, one thing I've always loved is Christmas decorations. We used to drive around when I was a kid and look at all the lights and decorations. Very stimulating for someone with autism. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog over the years and to those who I have picked up along this year! Happy 2015!
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Number 1 thing is I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I don't like going to the store anyway, on any normal day. However, during the holidays, forget about it. When it all comes down to it, you may not get a present if I couldn't brave going into the store. It's not that I don't love you or don't want to get you anything; it's just that I wouldn't volunteer myself for the Hunger Games. If I can find it online, bonus! I will pay a little extra for shipping and handling. I know what you're thinking, "Everyone hates shopping during the holidays." No, you don't understand. Going shopping during the holidays means at least 3 times as many people as normal pressing into the same sized store. That increases the chances of people touching me, squishing me, bumping up against me. Not okay. Also, I'm a bit claustrophobic. I like enough space to move around in, and I don't like to feel squished and boxed in. Plus, more people equals A LOT more noise. Can you say over-stimulation? Then in all this mess of navigating through masses of people and noise, I still have to actually look for gifts for people. That takes some focus as well. I feel like I'm not giving all my thoughts into picking good presents because my mind has to deal with all the other stimulation that it can't block out.
Right now, I'm on a break from school and work. On one hand, the break has been nice and I needed it. On the other hand, I'm completely off schedule now. It's difficult for me to fall asleep before 2 am, which isn't going to be fun in 2 weeks when I'll have to be at work at 8 am. People with autism often do better with structure and scheduled time. That's why, even though I complain about it sometimes, I actually function well when school and work are going on.
I love, love, love being with my family during the holidays, but I noticed I couldn't keep conversation going the whole time. On Christmas Eve, we always go to my great aunt's house for lunch/dinner. I started out talking to everyone, eating, joking around, etc. After a while, I ended up playing a handheld video game and kind of zoning out. It's not their fault; they're awesome people. Love them to death. I just can only do so much socialization at one time. After that little break, I was good for the rest of the time. Went out and talked some more.
While the holidays can be challenging to someone with autism, they are still so wonderful. I have a wonderful, supportive family that I got to spend lots of time with. I ate tons of good, home-cooked food. Being a picky eater, you've got to love when you get to eat all your favorite foods LOL. Also, one thing I've always loved is Christmas decorations. We used to drive around when I was a kid and look at all the lights and decorations. Very stimulating for someone with autism. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog over the years and to those who I have picked up along this year! Happy 2015!
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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