Saturday, November 22, 2014

Why Do You Always Wear Jeans?

     People often question me or comment on the way I dress. Nothing bad. I just have a simple yet unique style of dress. As I've said before, people with autism can have sensory issues, like touch. Certain kinds of clothing or fabrics can be intolerable for us to wear. Things you may not think are a big deal can be a nightmare for us. I'll give some of my personal examples. 
     I hardly ever wear shorts or Capri pants. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside; you will most likely see me in jeans. Why? A few reasons. First, the less skin I expose, the better. For one thing, it's hard to find a pair of young women's shorts that don't show just a little to much. Second, my skin is sensitive to the touch. I hate it when things brush up against me or lightly touch my skin. If I wear pants all the time, there's less of a chance anything will come in contact with the skin on my legs. Plus, denim is thicker, which means I'll feel even less. It also goes with pretty much anything. It's durable, too. I work with kids, and denim stands up to all the messes that happen at the preschool (eg. paint, dirt, food, and unfortunately, bodily fluids). 
     This next one is something that I didn't notice until someone else recently pointed it out. I only wear short-sleeved shirts if it's going to be fairly warm outside. Otherwise, I wear long-sleeved shirts. However, no matter what kind of shirt I wear, I always carry a jacket with me. May not be a heavy coat, mind you, but I carry some kind of jacket. Ever since that got pointed out to me, I've worked out why. First, it's like the thing with wearing pants all the time. My skin is sensitive, and I don't like things brushing up against it. Solution=long sleeves. Now, obviously that can't happen all the time because it gets super hot sometimes. I do wear short-sleeved shirts, and I'm not sure if it affects me when I'm around people. For example, do I stand further away from people or pull back from them because I don't want them to accidentally brush up against me? Second reason has to do with the jacket. I'm a cold-natured person. I get cold easily. That's why it has to be hot for me to wear short sleeves. I'm so sensitive to the cold that even just a little drop in temperature, and I have my jacket on. That may also explain the jeans. It's easy to wear a short-sleeved shirt and put on a jacket if I get cold. It harder to wear shorts and carry around extra pants in case I get cold. 
     Dressing up nicer is fun sometimes. Wearing skirts or dresses. However, I only do that every now and then. I feel like skirts and dresses are restricting. I have to sit and walk certain ways. Have you seen me?! I do not sit like a normal person, but I have to in a skirt or dress lol. Skirts and dresses aren't me. Sure, they look nice for special occasions, and I'll do that. Other than that, forget it. 
     Here are a few extras. I rarely wear flip flops or sandals unless I'm at the beach or swimming or someplace like that. I find them extremely uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially ones that go between your toes. I like TOMS, Nike tennis shoes, Converse, and my black Earth Shoe boots. If I dress up, I will wear the appropriate shoes. Other than that, I stick with my favorites. I don't like hats. They make it feel like my head is being squeezed, and it eventually gives me a headache. I don't wear jewelry, mostly because I can't keep up with it lol. Also because it's a hassle. Bracelets don't fit my wrists and slide everywhere. The adjustable ones pinch my arms. Necklaces are ok, but sometimes the clasps get caught in my long hair. Any kind of dangling earring is annoying because it's constantly touching my face. I don't like wool or any kind of similar, itchy fabric. I don't like the stuff windbreakers are made out of. It's unnecessarily loud, and I hate the sound it makes when it rubs against itself. I don't like tags. If they become a bother, I rip them out of clothing. 
     This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my sensitivities when it comes to clothing. However, I hope it gives you an idea of what it's like. Have I tried to "expand my wardrobe"? Yes. Have I tried new things when it comes to fashion? Yes. Have you tried "this"; have you tried "that"? Probably. It doesn't matter. I can do those "new" and "glamorous" things only once in a while. For everyday wear, I'll stick with what I know best. Besides, I believe my beauty isn't defined by the way I look. It's defined by who I am and what I do, my character and my actions. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~ 

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Get in the Zone

     I can't believe it's already Saturday again. I feel like I just wrote one of these the other day lol. I feel like I've been in my own world half of the time this week. That's where our topic comes from today. I'm very much an introvert. It's not that I don't like hanging out with people; I do. It's just that being around people eventually drains my energy, and I have to be alone in order to recharge. I also get overwhelmed easily. My senses are more sensitive than other people's, and I can often have sensory overload. It's harder for me to interpret and understand emotions, my own and other people's. At times, my emotions can overtake my mind and shut it down. 
     I've always compared the mind to a computer. My computer runs a little different than yours does. It processes information differently than yours does. Sometimes, it runs a little slower than yours does, and you have to be patient with it. Have you ever had a computer freeze up on you because you thought it was going too slow so you kept clicking the mouse? Same thing happens in my head. The more information that keeps coming into it, the slower it runs. If you don't give it time to process it all, it will eventually crash. This is when I feel completely overwhelmed and will usually start crying. 
     However, I have come to notice something that is a kind of warning sign before I reach that point-of-no-return. I've noticed that when my mind starts reaching its limit, when I have used up almost all of my energy, I start zoning out. I won't realize it until someone says something to me, snapping me out of it. That's when I realize I've been staring off into space, totally unaware of anyone or anything around me. I've worked out that this is a way my mind warns me that it's reaching its simmering point, and that I should leave as soon as possible.
     However, I think it's also a kind of protection. I've noticed that if I can't leave right away, I will keep zoning in and out. I think this is my mind's way of trying to stay connected in the present moment like its supposed to, but also trying to shut down and process things at the same time. So I'll be present in the moment then, for a few moments, I'll completely zone out. Then the cycle repeats until I can actually get away and fully recharge. I've noticed this happens when I'm around people for too long or when I'm in an environment with too much sensory stimuli. 
     Sounds like a very frustrating computer to work with, doesn't it? ;) May be, but don't worry. I have almost 25 years of experience with it. It may not be perfect (but whose is), and it may be hard. However, I do my best. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Containing the Chaos

     Today, I'm going to talk about one of the things I do when I don't feel good emotionally. Now, I'm a very flexible person and always have been. I can sit or lie in positions that make most people hurt just by looking at me haha. I can even sleep in some of these uncomfortable-looking positions. They may look uncomfortable to you and you may not be able to sit like that, but they make me feel better.
     The one I'm going to talk about today is probably the smallest I can make my body, which is saying something since I'm already a small person lol. If you're a yoga person, think of the child pose. I pull my knees all the way up to my chest and lay over them. However, instead of laying my arms in front of me, I pull them up against my body too. So there I am sitting (or lying) there with my legs and arms tucked up under me. 
     Anytime I'm sitting like this, it usually means I don't feel good. It's usually emotionally, but sometimes I do it when I'm sick too. Most often, I do this when I'm overwhelmed. When I get really overwhelmed or anxious, my mind feels like it's going 200 mph. For some reason, my body thinks it has to react accordingly. My muscles, skin, everything feels like they're moving, squirming, almost rippling. I wish I could find adequate words to describe it. The only things I have found that help (that don't involve tearing myself apart) are deep pressure, stimulation, containment. That's why I sit like that; to make myself as small as possible to contain or control that feeling of chaos inside me. It puts deep pressure on, mainly my arms and legs, but on other muscles too, to make that squirming feeling subside. 
     I may also sit like this when I'm going through a depression episode. Depression can make my muscles ache. Again, one of the things that helps is deep pressure. Also, if you've ever suffered from depression, you'll know that sometimes you just want to curl up into a ball and disappear for a while. You wish you were a turtle that could hide in your protective, hard shell that no one can get into, and you could come out when you wanted. 
     Sometimes, however, I will sit like this without knowing exactly what's wrong. It's almost like a warning of sorts. I know that if I feel the need to curl up like this, then something must be wrong; something is going on. So if you ever see me sitting like this, chances are that I'm not feeling good. Sometimes I know what's wrong, and sometimes I don't. I may be able to talk about it, or I may not be able to find the right words. However, having another person there is helpful, even if it's just to vent to. My mind may be racing, but my mouth can only move so fast. Talking to another person helps me organize my thoughts and get rid of all the irrational ones. This, in turn, lowers the anxiety, and the feeling in my muscles goes away. Did I say that I needed another person in order to calm down and feel better? No. I have become skilled in calming myself down; otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this post. However, it's always nice to have friends and family to help you out and support you :)

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~