When under great stress, I don't always know what to say. It's usually difficult to find the words to express how I feel. That happened last week. I can't really get into details so I have to be vague. Sorry. Two of my friends were not being treated right, and it all came crashing down the other day. When they told me what happened, I can't even describe the feelings that came over me. All I could do was stand there with my mouth open like an idiot lol. I could feel the anger and anxiety building up inside me. Without a word, I had to turn around and walk away for a minute. I couldn't think. I couldn't process what I was just told. This couldn't be happening, right? Why were they treating my friends like this? I went back to them after a minute to see if they needed anything. They said it was okay, and that I better go for now so I didn't get mixed up in what was happening. The whole situation was a mess, in case you didn't figure that out.
I tried to go about my business, but I couldn't contain my feelings. I walked down the hall, fists clenched, and shoved the door open...hard. I really thought someone was going to get mad at me for slamming at the door. I sat on the couch and cried. I had a complete meltdown. Worse than that, the only people that wanted to talk to me were the people I was mad at for hurting my friends. The people I wanted to talk to, I couldn't talk to because they were trying to protect me so I wouldn't get mixed up in the situation. It sucked. I cried because of that. I cried because my world had changed in a second. I cried because I suddenly felt alone. Most of all, I cried because my friends had been mistreated, and they were hurting. I was angry for them. I was sad for them.
That's all I could do...cry. That's how I expressed how I felt. I couldn't find the words that described it. When I'm upset, my mind either races with thoughts or it stops completely. When my thoughts race, my mouth can't keep up. So if I try to talk, my mouth gets out about one word before my mind is onto another thought. When it stops working, that's when I can't find any words. It's like trying to fish out of an empty lake. I don't remember which one was going on during this time, but I couldn't find words all the same.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."
