tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72182528289558765132024-02-08T02:49:19.378-08:00Normal AspieKelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-84697740569892862282018-01-06T11:16:00.001-08:002018-01-06T17:25:57.739-08:00Lessons in Lost Love<span style="color: #134f5c;"> It's been a long while since I've posted on this blog. Life has been crazy busy but good, filled with changes, some good and some not-so-good. Unfortunately, the post I come back to this blog with is a not-so-good change in my life. However, I've been wanted to write about this for weeks, and I think it needs to be shared. So here we go.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> For those that don't know, my long-time boyfriend, Tommy, and I broke up. I was devastated at first...and then I wasn't. Sure, I was still sad at times because I still remembered some of the good times we had, but I wasn't a wreck. I went on a Walk to Emmaus and finally grasped the vast amount of love God has for me and what it means to be the bride of Christ. I saw strangers become good friends in three short days and felt the love of people who didn't even know me or had just met me. I told them about our recent break up and how I felt like I wasted two and a half years of my life believing I had found the love of my life only to have him take that away from me in a matter of a few minutes over the phone. However, someone told nothing is ever a waste of time and that God had a plan for me. She told me to ask God what He was trying to teach me through that relationship, and I have. This is what He's shown me.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Even though I'm now mad at Tommy for how he ended things and for things he's done after our break up, even though I would never take him back, I have to admit our relationship was good while we were together and it did teach me some things. It taught me how to be intimate again. And I mean just simple intimacy. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing. I already have trouble with touch as it is, being on the Autism spectrum and everything. Then because of everything that's happened in relationships in my past, it got worse. I was jumpy, touchy, pushed guys away when they even came close to touching me. I refused intimacy because all it had done was hurt me. Until this relationship. Tommy showed me that intimacy doesn't hurt; it isn't supposed to. I can set boundaries, and they will be respected. Manipulation and intimacy are not a set and not everyone is manipulative. I was no longer afraid or anxious or suspicious when it came to intimacy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I learned to trust again. Being in this relationship showed me that I had built up tall, thick walls and had deep insecurities all because of my past. Tommy knew about all of them and didn't make me feel belittled or stupid about any of them. He understood them, and we tried to work through them together. Little by little, my walls came down, and I saw that not every guy was manipulative. Not every guy was going to treat me like I was helpless or unworthy of his feelings or that I needed him. Tommy reminded me often that he knew I didn't need him, that I was an independent woman, and he liked that. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I learned I was worthy of love. You may be thinking that one is obvious; however, when you've been in manipulative, abusive relationships, you don't feel worthy of real love. Those guys make you feel low, helpless, and trapped. You start to think you will never find anyone who is good and that you will never be good enough for anyone. So to find someone who treats you right and makes you feel worthy of love is a shock at first. Then it's great. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I learned I can be accepted for who I am. I don't care what you say, I'm a weird person. I also have a lot of things I'm scared to tell people for fear of being judged or making them run away, such as my Asperger's or bipolar disorder. They carry stereotypes and stigmas with them, unfairly, and sometimes people judge too quickly. They don't take the time to get to know the person behind the label. Tommy didn't care. I told him all this stuff and he shrugged it off. Said okay, we would deal with it together, and that labels don't define people. That's when I knew I could be accepted for who I was. I could be open because he wouldn't turn away at something I told him. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Finally, I learned how to communicate. All my past relationships consisted of fighting, walking away when angry, and silence. Tommy made me talk to him. He didn't let me shut down. He didn't let me stay angry or walk away. If I yelled, he didn't yell back. Because of this, I learned how to communicate better. I learned that things can be resolved better and don't have to escalate. I learned how to express my feelings better and more clearly. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I still believe things happen for a reason. I used to believe we were meant to be together forever and we'd get married and have a family. However, now I'm learning that maybe God had different intentions for our relationship. Maybe he just needed to teach me some lessons so I could have a healthy relationship with my actual future husband. God works in mysterious ways. His hands are in everything, and I can't wait to see where He's leading me in this part of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me</b></span><br />
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Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-33356679846400579832016-03-26T18:21:00.000-07:002018-01-06T17:25:40.254-08:00Delayed Diagnosis <span style="color: #134f5c;">I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome when I was 19 years old. When I tell people this, most of the time, their question is, "Why did it take so long for you to get diagnosed?" I have several theories to answer that question, and I actually think it was a combination of things. Today's post will talk about those factors.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> First of all, people with Asperger's are usually diagnosed later in life. Because we are on the higher end of the spectrum, our characteristics are less severe and, therefore, less noticeable. My parents and teachers definitely noticed I was different, but they didn't know it was because of Autism. I was the one who learned about Autism from working with young children, and I noticed similarities in myself and them.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Second, one characteristic of Asperger syndrome is average to above average intelligence. Most of the time, a child is recognized as having a condition because they are having trouble in school. However, I always had good grades and never really had problems with school. Obviously, being on the spectrum, I had social and emotional problems, but they were thought of as "quirks" or "just who I was". I did get in trouble quite a bit because some of my teachers didn't understand me and how or why I did certain things. Eventually, everyone just came to this understanding of "that's just Kelcy".</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Third, Asperger syndrome, which is my official diagnosis, is a relatively new diagnosis and now an obsolete one. Hans Asperger first described Asperger syndrome in 1944; however, it wasn't an official diagnosis until 1994 when I was already 4 years old. Now, I was diagnosed in 2009. As of 2013, they changed the diagnosis and the criteria. It's now just Autism Spectrum Disorder, and there is a range from mild to severe. Asperger syndrome doesn't exist as a diagnosis anymore.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Fourth, I am a girl. Autism presents more often in boys. On top of that, it is recognized less often in girls because people put more expectations on girls to fit in socially and have better social skills. Girls are expected to know how to talk about their feelings and make other people feel better. They are expected to be the nurtures and social butterflies. They are expected to go into professions that involve people skills and dealing with other people. I understand that is slowly changing, but it was that way for a long time. Autism is still less recognized in girls than boys.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Finally, my mom pointed out the other day that I grew up in a small town with a tight-knit community. Everyone knew and looked out for each other. I was pretty well protected and sheltered from many things in our little community. We pretty much had our routines, there were no strangers to me, everything was familiar. It would explain why the characteristics of an ASD would be less noticeable until I was older.....like when I moved off to college. Even though I was only 30 minutes away from home, I left that familiarity. I left everyone I knew, the routines, the protection of the community I had known for almost 18 years. It's when my ASD characteristics became so much more pronounced, interfered with my life, and I sought a diagnosis.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I've been asked a couple of times if I was mad or upset I wasn't diagnosed earlier. That maybe I could've gotten services or at least known. No, I'm not mad or upset. Also, I don't blame anyone. For the most part, I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed until later in life. I wouldn't have understood it as a child anyway. Also, back when I was in school, I feel like the popular thing to do was to stick a label on you and put you on medication. Well I didn't need medication....or a label. Plus, the "services" I would've had at my disposal were limited and probably wouldn't have helped anyway.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I'm glad because my parents raised me believing I was like everyone else. They had high expectations for me and always pushed me to do my best in everything I did. I was expected to have social etiquette and manners.They understood I did things differently, and that was ok. Growing up, I knew there was something different about me; though, I didn't know what it was. But because of the way my parents and family treated me, I knew it didn't matter. I was no less than anyone else.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> </span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-87642153869821654572016-01-16T16:32:00.000-08:002018-01-06T17:24:29.942-08:00Autism in Love <span style="color: #134f5c;"> This post is inspired by the documentary by the same name, Autism in Love. It premiered on PBS and can be purchased to stream online, like from Amazon. I've also been wanting to write this post for a while and just haven't had time. However, since my recent graduation from college, I have more time and now am ready to write this.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> At the time I'm writing this, Tommy and I have been together for almost a year. It has been quite a journey getting to know each other and building our relationship. We've grown as individuals and as a couple. We've seen each other at our best times and at our worst times. Being on the spectrum presents some unique challenges to our relationship at times. Never anything we can't handle and work through. We both know each other's pasts and deepest secrets and yet.....we're still together and going strong.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> My past in relationships is not a good one. It's filled with heartache, abuse, unfaithfulness, and rejection. It broke me. It broke my trust in every other guy I tried to date. It broke my self-esteem to where I felt I didn't deserve a good guy to love. It broke my faith that a guy could ever love someone like me, with everything that had happened to me and all my flaws. I was single for four years in which time I worked on myself. I got to know who I was as an individual, worked through some of those negative feelings, and dealt with my broken past. Then I met Tommy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Even though he may not have known it at the time, I knew there was something different from the very beginning. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I knew something was there. People tried to warn me, told me to be careful. I didn't want to listen. Surely they must be wrong. I just knew that if I stayed true to myself, who I was, and what I believed in, I'd have nothing to worry about. I was right. He tells me often how I changed him and his way of thinking. However, I want him to know how much he changed me too.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> He accepts me the way I am: flaws, past, and all. When he found out I was on the Autism spectrum, he treated it as another fact about me. He didn't flinch away. He didn't get weird about it. Most importantly, he didn't treat me any different, and he didn't leave. A couple of guys I've dated, once they found out that I was on the spectrum, just left. Stopped talking to me, didn't hear from them again. Not Tommy. He's gone above and tried his best to understand everything that comes with having a girlfriend on the spectrum. I couldn't ask for anything more.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I have also feared that if being on the spectrum didn't turn a guy away, my past would. I used to feel unlovable at times. I used to think that no good guy would want to be with me if they found out the things that had happened to me. I thought that maybe they would blame me for what had happened. Tommy and I have both shared our pasts with each other. He proved that not only does he love me despite my past, he vowed to never bring it against me and to never be like the guys in my past. He showed me that no matter what had happened to me, no matter what any of those other guys may have said, I am lovable. I am beautiful. I matter. I mean the world to him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> He taught me how to trust again. I hadn't realized that in addition to not being able to trust, I had also built up this enormous wall. Every time I shared something else personal, every time I opened up, the wall came down just a little bit. I was surprised, however, to discover just how big I had built that wall. All these fears and insecurities I had, secrets I withheld, being scared of physical contact. He's proved to me time and time again, each step we take, that he's not like the rest. He's not like the ones I've had in my past. I was right from the beginning; he is different. This time is different. He respects me and listens to me. He tries to understand, and we communicate with each other in a way that I've never been able to communicate with someone before.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> My mom used to tell me that when I found the right person and was in love, I would just know. I never knew what she meant until I met Tommy. She was right. I just knew. That little something inside me telling me this one was different. There was something special about this one. I love him with all my heart, and he means the world to me. I may have a hard time expressing myself sometimes, but I want him to know just how much he means to me and how grateful I am that God brought us together.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-31690044850829725832015-07-18T13:54:00.001-07:002018-01-06T17:23:59.714-08:00Working with Kids When You Have Sensory Issues <span style="color: #134f5c;"> In previous posts, I've written about how working with kids and having autism can sometimes be a challenge. This continues to be proven in my current job at the preschool I work at, and I continue to find ways to overcome and compensate for these difficulties. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Two of the things my preschool kids love to do is play with shaving cream and paint with something called Puff Paint. Puff Paint is made with shaving cream, glue, and food coloring. These two things are hard for me to do with the kids because of my sensory issues. I don't like stuff stuck to my skin, especially on my hands. Both shaving cream and glue feel very weird to me. I especially don't like glue. It's sticky and messy and hard to get off. Shaving cream isn't as bad, but it's still messy and feels weird. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> One of my coworkers asked me the other day exactly why I didn't like the feel of these two things. What specifically about them did I not like. She loves doing these activities and loves the feel of them. I can't really point to the exact thing that causes me to avoid touching these things. I can't really fully explain most of my sensory issues, especially touch. It just feels weird. I don't like it. Something in my brain is wired differently so that when I touch these things my brain says "That's not right. Don't do that." Logically, I know there's nothing wrong with these objects or substances, but logic doesn't seem to matter with autism and sensory issues. My system is still going to react negatively to these stimuli. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Sometimes when people find out I'm sensitive to one or two things, they start asking me what else I'm sensitive to. Some people don't understand how I can be sensitive to certain things but not other things. One person couldn't understand that I don't like shaving cream, but foaming soap doesn't bother me. It's because those aren't the same texture. They don't feel the same; not even close. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Be sensitive to someone with sensory issues. Don't tell someone with sensory issues that their difficulties don't exist, they're just in their head, they're weird, or they don't make sense. Be kind, try to understand, and learn from people with sensory issues. It's hard enough for us as it is. Don't make it harder. </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-37067832555398205972015-06-28T16:15:00.000-07:002015-06-28T16:15:21.016-07:00Eye Contact: A Personal Victory!!!<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Autism is a life-long condition that currently has no cure. There are treatments and therapies that can help individuals improve or overcome some of the symptoms of autism, but it never truly goes away. Sometimes progress is slow, but those little victories can be monumental for some with autism. Even though I have high-functioning autism, I still have my share of personal victories of overcoming my autism. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> The most recent one was last night. I've been with my boyfriend, Tommy, for a little over 4 months now. Naturally, as relationships do, we've grown closer together and have gotten more comfortable around each other. Last night, we were having one of those intimate moments where we were talking face to face. One of those really close and special moments. During these times, I've always been aware that he looks, or tries to look, into my eyes. However, I've never been able to meet his gaze. Now, I've written a post on here in the past about why eye contact is difficult for people on the autism spectrum, or at least for me. I always look at people's mouths 1) because it makes it look like I'm making eye contact and 2) because it helps me understand what people are saying. Sometimes, in the past, I've tried to make eye contact but could only hold it for a few seconds. Last night was different though. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Last night, I decided to try an experiment. Last night, I decided to be brave. For the first time since I can remember, I met someone's gaze.....and held it! I wasn't looking at his mouth or his nose or the top of his head but into his eyes! I noticed something.....I didn't feel anxious or awkward or overwhelmed or confused or anything like that. I don't think I can fully explain to you what I felt, but it was good. Even though I did see a lot of emotion in his eyes, it wasn't overwhelming. I seemed to understand them all. I was able to hold his gaze for maybe 15-30 seconds (which is a lot compared to 1-3 seconds before) before I would have to look away. I would regain my thoughts and composure and then could meet his gaze again! This happened 3 times! </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> We ended up talking about it later. He thanked me for trusting him that much to step out of my comfort zone and try something like that. I swear, I almost started crying tears of joy because I felt so good. You see, "typical" people take this kind of stuff for granted. It's not that easy for us. Every obstacle we overcome, every triumph we gain, every little victory we have feels huge. Overcoming the challenges of autism means being able to connect better with the people and the world around us. For me, I didn't just make eye contact with someone. I connected with him on a new level, a level I've never been able to do before. That's why we celebrate. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-80639381560365700822015-06-20T20:57:00.000-07:002015-06-20T20:57:16.970-07:00Oh Yeah, I Have Autism <span style="color: #134f5c;"> I've known for a while that I'm on the autism spectrum. I've had an official diagnosis for a little over 6 years now. Many people tell me that they would never have guessed that I have autism. It's because I'm on the high-functioning end of the spectrum, and my autism is different than those on the severe end. There are times when I, myself, forget that I have autism. Of course, I don't mean that I literally forget. I just mean that, at times, it affects me less than it does at other times. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Then there are times like the other night, when I'm reminded that I am, if fact, on the autism spectrum. In certain situations, it's possible to see the defining characteristics of autism or to see a classic autism behavior or response in me. The other night, no matter how much I tried to reason with myself and be calm, autism hijacked my brain and shut it down. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> You may know that people with autism like to have routine and rituals. Any changes to these routines bring anxiety, confusion, and fear. You may also know that people with autism can get attached to certain objects. This story starts by telling you that I sleep with a sleep mask. I do this because I can't stand any light when I'm trying to sleep. I can't make any room pitch black, especially when the sun comes up. So...sleep mask. I sleep with it every night. Also, I've had this thing for years. It's starting to fall apart. However, do I throw it out and get a new one? Nope! I like that one, and I'm used to it. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Well....the other night, I couldn't find it. I tore up my entire room trying to find it, getting more and more upset as time went on. This is where I tried to reason with myself. "Just go to bed without it. It'll be fine for tonight." However, every time I thought about doing that, my anxiety would only worsen. I can't fully explain to you why the thought of going to bed without my sleep mask for one night gave me such anxiety, but it did. It was a change in routine. It was the fact that I couldn't find something that I needed/wanted. It didn't help that I was exhausted because it was late at night. It was also the end of the week, and I was exhausted from work and summer school and everything else. I eventually became somewhat hysterical from what I remember, which is kind of hard because when I get like that, everything becomes a little hazy. I was searching frantically, crying, and the only thing I could manage to say over and over again was "Where is it? I want it." When I finally found it, I was so exhausted and all worked up that I laid on my bed and cried until I almost fell asleep. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to autism. This is something that can happen in the face of change, exhaustion, and anxiety. It happens to me, and it happens to others as well. Just like it was hard for me to reason with myself, it's very hard/near impossible to reason with someone who is in a meltdown. Anxiety takes over the whole person, and it's a downward spiral. Some people may read this and not understand it at all. They don't understand how something "so small" can trigger something "so big", such as a meltdown. But it can. For us, those things are not small. For us, those "small things" can trigger emotions we may have a hard time interpreting and expressing. They can trigger responses we may not know how to control. We end up crying, shutting down, or lashing out. Maybe if you saw the world the way we see it, those things wouldn't seem so small after all.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-4323395964950778872015-05-12T15:26:00.001-07:002015-05-12T15:26:10.617-07:00Autism and the Dulcimer Festival <span style="color: #134f5c;"> Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy with life haha. I've had school, finals, went to a concert, and went to a dulcimer music festival. Actually, that last one is what I'm going to talk about today. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> This last weekend, Tommy (my boyfriend) and I went to Glen Rose, TX for the 34th Annual Lone Star State Dulcimer Music Festival. We had a blast! My friend Wendy, who I met at Erin's wedding, was the one who told me about the festival. She was also there, and we became her unofficial roadies LOL. This festival consists of two full days of people playing music on the stage in the middle of the park, contests, merchandise selling, raffles, dancing, workshops, and jam sessions.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> After a crazy first night of getting in at 12:30am and sleeping in Tommy's truck, we found Wendy. We had actually been parked next to her the whole time haha. We had some drama with the front office and our tent situation. Long story short, I ended up staying in Wendy's two-room tent with her, and Tommy slept in one of ours. That craziness and change in plans is not a good start to a weekend for a person on the spectrum. However, it got better after that.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> We had a great time helping Wendy with her merchandise stand and enjoying the festival. However, because of my autism and the kind of person I am, I reach a point in my day where I am just done...with everything. I've been around people too long or done too much work that I'm just mentally done. My brain starts to shut down. I feel like a zombie moving around, only half aware of what's going on around me. I think that's how I must look too because some people notice it. I don't think Tommy knew exactly what it was, but he knew something was up and would as if I was okay. Wendy knew though and could tell I was done. She recognized it because she gets the same way. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Day 1 wasn't too bad. I got to that point, but it wasn't until the end of the day. I was able to put myself to bed and get some sleep. Day 2 was harder. I hit that point earlier in the day, about mid-afternoon. You have to understand that when I reach this point, I don't like to be touched a lot. I don't like to answer questions or talk a lot. Anything that requires a lot of mental effort is out of the question because my brain is just not working fast enough. I get irritated and frustrated very easily. Poor Tommy was on the receiving end of much of my irritability that day, and it wasn't his fault. He's very much a physical person. That is, he shows his love, affection, and concern through touch (hugs, rubbing my back, holding hands, etc.). That's very different from me. We've had to compromise.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> On that 2nd day of the festival, the more withdrawn and upset I seemed to get, the more he wanted to comfort me. The more he did that, the more annoyed I got because I didn't want to be touched. However, because I was in this state and my brain wasn't working properly, I couldn't find the words to adequately describe to him what was going on without being rude. All my mind was say was, "STOP TOUCHING ME!" I didn't want to yell at him so I said nothing. I eventually had to go off by myself where I could let my mind rest and reset. When I came back, I was able to coherently talk to him about what was going on and how I felt. He apologized and said he had no idea I felt that way and that he was making things worse. He also said he understood and agreed to give me my space when I needed it. I knew that communicating my needs was what I needed to do. It's just that sometimes it takes resetting my brain in order to do so. </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-74517330032532003922015-04-20T17:47:00.000-07:002015-04-20T17:47:17.998-07:00Wedding Weekend! <span style="color: #134f5c;"> I apologize for being away for a while. It's been a while since my last post, and that's because my life has been crazy busy. The end of the semester is coming up, projects are due, I've been doing stuff with the social club I'm a part of, I have a boyfriend, and my best friend, Erin, got married. Wow! Now, this last weekend, I was sick. Ugh! It never ends! Haha but I found some time to write this today, and I want to tell y'all about Erin's wedding! But from the perspective of someone with autism.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Weddings are great and fun, but they can be tiring and a little overwhelming too...even if you're not the one getting married lol. I knew going into that weekend that I would be around a lot of people I didn't know. I knew that although I was going to Erin's wedding, I wouldn't get to spend a lot of time with just her. I knew that I'd be sleeping in people's houses that I didn't know. There were just so many things that I just wasn't sure of, and that made me nervous. However, I was super excited because I was getting to see Erin, whom I don't get to see very often. I was happy to get to be a part of this joyous occasion in her life.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> It was hard though. I'll admit that while it was a great time and I would do it again, I was glad to go home at the end of the weekend. The weekend was full of running around, people I didn't know, no alone time to process things, changes in plans, and high emotions. By Saturday night, I was just a bit overwhelmed haha. Saturday is when plans changed. Hey, it happens. However, by that time, I was tired (physically and emotionally), hungry, and completely overstimulated. With other factors that played into that change of plans, I nearly had an anxiety attack. Good thing I have really good friends who understand and are willing to help me out! On my way back to where I was staying the night, which was 2 hours away, I had myself a good meltdown. I'm pretty sure I cried for a good hour and a half of the 2 hour drive. Sure did sleep good that night lol. Like with many autistic meltdowns, people have to understand that it's not just one thing that sets them off. It's an accumulation of things that pile up and eventually become to much to handle, leading to overstimulation or feeling overwhelmed. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> One of the best things about that weekend, though, was I got to meet some of Erin's other "sisters". They were some pretty amazing women :) I found it easy to talk to them, which is saying something for a person on the autism spectrum. I don't really know what else I was expecting though LOL. It's almost like there was this automatic acceptance of each other. Like, we didn't even know one another but since Erin was our friend, we were friends too. I liked that because I feel like I don't get it very often from people I've just met. For them, my past didn't matter. It didn't matter if I had bipolar disorder or autism. It didn't matter if I did things differently or that my social skills were a little lax. They accepted me as a friend and "sister" anyway. Also, I felt I could just be myself around all of them without having to try so hard to be "socially acceptable" or "normal" or "typical". Pick your term. Sometimes when I meet new people or am around certain people, I feel like I have to try too hard. Then there are those that I know I can just relax and be myself (You know who you are LOL). Also, I have to give some credit here. I was thinking about it, and I realized just how easy it was for me to talk to those women that weekend. Part of that had to do with their personalities, but part of it had to do with my going through RUSH. Going through RUSH really brought me out of my shell and gave me confidence I didn't have before. I realized that if I hadn't gone through RUSH, I may not have talked so openly with those women that weekend. I'd have been happy to keep myself, or I'd have been afraid to open myself up to people I didn't know. However, after going through a process like RUSH where you're meeting new people all the time, meeting a couple of new people that weekend was a breeze! Lol Also, being in club has taught me that opening up to people won't kill me haha. Some people are willing to listen, and they can be trusted. Just because your past is a little rocky doesn't mean you're unlovable. Just because you're a little different doesn't mean people won't accept you.</span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-78790288983394804052015-03-21T15:53:00.000-07:002016-01-16T17:21:30.852-08:00Taking Autism on the Road <span style="color: #134f5c;"> So this week was my spring break. It's been nice to have the time off from school and work. On Tuesday, my mom, my aunt, and I traveled to Dallas to visit my uncle. He is getting ready to move down here closer to us so we went to help him sort through some of the stuff in his house.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> We drove down there to Dallas, which was fine with me. I love long car rides. I didn't always like riding in the car, but that's another topic for a different day lol. Now, I can ride in the car for hours and not say a word. As long as I have music to listen to, I can slip into my own little world and be fine the whole trip. I'm not sure what it is about riding in the car that's so hypnotizing for me. Maybe it's just the motion of the car itself. Maybe it's because I like to watch the scenery go by outside my window and change as we make our way into different landscapes. Maybe it's just because I love music and listening to it makes me happy. Maybe it's because I have a very good imagination, and the only thing I need to keep me entertained is my mind. For whatever reason, it means you may not hear a sound out of me for hours at a time in the car. Don't get me wrong: if other people are talking to me, playing games, singing, stuff like that, I'll join in. Most of the time, though, I'm doing my own thing. I hardly ever sleep in the car either. The only time I do is if I'm drop-dead tired. Other than that, I stay awake and pretty quiet. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> It's actually kind of nice. Long car rides usually means a big trip, vacation, or something special like that. While those things are nice and fun, they can require a lot of energy from an introverted, autistic person like me. The car ride going to the place is important because it'll be the last personal time I get for a while. You know, to just be with myself and my thoughts. It also helps me prepare for the time ahead that'll be spent with other people. The car ride back home is also a good time to be "by myself". I can wind down from the trip and process everything that happened before I get back home.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> So if you ever ride in the car with me and I don't talk to you, please don't be offended. I'm just letting my mind process things and rest. I'm probably off in my own little world and don't even notice other people. If you want to talk or play a game or anything like that, say something. Most of the time, I'll be happy to oblige if you ask. I'm just not that much of an initiator haha.</span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-52800843070590632932015-03-08T17:46:00.001-07:002015-03-08T17:48:29.139-07:00Taking Autism to See Brad Paisley <span style="color: #134f5c;">So those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know that I went to see Brad Paisley last night! I posted several things about the concert, and it was all I could talk about in the weeks leading up to it. It was an amazing show! I'll just start from the beginning. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> We got there early to make sure we wouldn't have to wait very long in the ticket line. It was a good decision. When we got there, there were already people lined up outside the arena. As we were standing in line, a man that takes pictures of events for the newspaper took our picture! He said he liked my blue hair haha. See, it does good to stand out sometimes. They finally let us in, and we went to find our seats. I decided I wanted a t-shirt so we went on an adventure to the merchandise stand. Finally got to the front and found out the one I wanted, they were out of my size. Typical. So Tommy bought some things, and we went to the main merchandise stand to see if they had any. No luck, but I did find another shirt I liked in my size. I ended up liking it better anyway, and it was cheaper. All around win lol. Parmalee was opening for Brad Paisley, and they had just started to play when we went to sit back down. They were great! </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Then Brad Paisley came on! It was amazing! He had a huge screen behind him and four other screens onstage showing videos and cool images as he sang his songs. He's such a cool guy too. He was talking to us, joking around, making videos on fans phones. At one point, he stopped, took off one of his guitars, signed it, and held it out towards the crowd. After looking around for a minute, he gave it to this little girl that was standing in the pit by the stage. It was so sweet! At the end of his show, he took off his hat and gave it to a little boy that was also standing in the pit. It was an amazing show, and I loved it!</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Now, let me tell you about the concert from the autism perspective. There were a lot of people there. The place was packed. I was trying so hard not to brush up against people or touch people. It was hard to do. I felt very crowded. As we would walk through the crowds, I would hold on to Tommy like my life depended on it. God forbid we accidentally get separated, and I'm left to fend off all those people by myself. Half of them were drunk for one thing. And where there is a lot of people, there is a lot of noise. Just the people by themselves, before the concert started, were making so much noise. It was crazy! </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> When the concert started, that's when the real noise began. I don't know if other people notice this but when music is really loud, I can hear the speakers whine and crackle. Maybe other people just ignore it. I'm not sure. But I can't. I heard it throughout the whole concert. By the time we left, my ears had that feeling they have when you're up in an airplane. You know, when they need to pop because they're all stuffed up. Then there's the lights. Oh, the lights! I have a major problem with strobe lights. I think it may have to do with the fact that I get chronic migraines or something. I'm not quite sure. However, when I'm around strobe lights, I get very dizzy, disoriented, and very sick to my stomach. I've come close to throwing up a couple of times and passing out once. It's awful! And concerts love using strobe lights. Every time they go off, I have to close my eyes. It's pretty much an involuntary action now. Strobe lights go off = eyes closed! </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> The concert was great, and I had lots of fun. But I also remember why I don't go to a lot of them LOL. If I am at a concert, it's probably for someone I really like. Since concerts take so much energy and work out of me, you have to be pretty special in my book for me to get out of my comfort zone and attend. Brad Paisley: totally worth it!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-45399749604031853932015-03-01T13:45:00.001-08:002015-03-01T13:45:22.172-08:00A Change in Plans: Tim Hawkins <span style="color: #134f5c;"> So today, I was supposed to write about my experience at the Tim Hawkins concert, how great it was, and all of that. However, this nasty, unpleasant weather we've been experiencing lately preventing us from travelling :( I was very disappointed and pretty upset. Yet, it gives me the perfect opportunity to talk about how change and events like this affect people with autism. It's one of the major things we have to deal with and usually one of the defining characteristics. First, let's look at this particular day.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Tim Hawkins is one of my favorite comedians, if not one of my favorite entertainers. My friend and former roommate Amy first introduced me to him when we roomed together in college. I've liked him ever since. I've seen every DVD he's made and watch him on YouTube regularly. I've wanted to see him live, but he has never come close enough for me to travel and see him...until now. He was finally going to be close enough that I could make a day trip and see his show! I was so excited, and I bought tickets immediately. I asked my boyfriend, Tommy, to go with me, and we made plans to go. I couldn't wait! Then...the snow storm hit. Snow and ice and slush, pretty much all the stuff I hate to walk in. It made the roads horrible. Tommy said he wasn't going to go. I kept saying that I was still going to go whether he did or not. I kept looking at weather and traffic reports trying to convince him and myself that the roads weren't that bad, that it would be safe to travel. I was determined to see Tim Hawkins! It even turned into a little argument between he and I. I was getting defensive, and, honestly, I was just being stubborn. It took talking to my parents to convince me not to go. They were having to drive on the roads and said they were horrible. I ended up feeling bad for how I snapped at Tommy, and I apologized.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Now, you have to understand, my stubbornness wasn't because I wasn't getting my way. I mean, sure I really wanted to see Tim Hawkins, and I was really upset that I wasn't going to be able to. However, it was more to do with the fact that I had planned something, looked forward to it for weeks, and then it suddenly wasn't happening anymore. It may not have been so bad if I had known a couple of days in advance that we weren't going to be able to go. This change in plans, however, happened the day of. Autistic's brains take longer to process information. When you spring change on us, it's like trying to throw a car into reverse while driving. It's impossible. Our brains don't work that way. To put a car in reverse, you have to come to a stop first. Our brains kind of work the same way. I handle change better when I'm allowed to stop, think about it, have time to process it, and then accept it. If this doesn't happen, I get very anxious. This anxiety is what causes the "stubbornness", defensiveness, snappiness, lashing out, sometimes even crying. It just depends on how upset it makes me, how high the anxiety is. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> So please, be sensitive and understanding. Change is hard for people with autism, and it takes hard work for us to accept it. Don't spring it on us. If possible, give us a heads up when change is going to happen. That way, we can take the time we need to process it and accept it better. Less anxiety for everyone :)</span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b><br />
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Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-20449791464317734322015-02-21T12:29:00.000-08:002015-02-21T13:07:43.148-08:00Autism on the Stage: Master Follies<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I realize I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. My life has been so busy since I've joined this social club, and it's been a blast! Two weeks ago, I was involved in Master Follies. We had shows to do that whole week, but the biggest ones were that weekend. We had been practicing for weeks, getting ready for these shows. Sometimes it felt longer than it actually was. We were usually running on little sleep, and we were around each other for hours at a time every day. It was great, and it was tiring at the same time lol.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> The shows were amazing! I admit I would get a little nervous, but it was always more of an excited nervous. I love being onstage and performing for people. I like working hard for something, practicing it, and getting to show it off. I love the applause and praises people give you when they love what they've seen. I love being able to dress up in costumes and step into a different role, to be someone else for a time. It's fun and and entertaining. I also did One Act in high school and junior high. I loved it. I'm pretty competitive, which made One Act and follies extra fun for me lol. I may not be the best one up there on the stage, but I love doing it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> You might be thinking, "Performing? Aren't people with autism introverted and shy?" Sometimes and in some situation, yes we are. However, like I said, something happens when I get up on that stage. I'm not me. I get to be someone else. Interactions on stage are scripted, and I've been working with the cast for weeks or months before performances. I know them, and they are likely my friends. I don't know everyone in the audience, but that's ok. They only watch me, and I don't have to interact with them directly while I'm onstage. Also, on a side note, I'm horrible at improv. If I'm going to be onstage, it's going to be in a scripted performance where I know what I'm supposed to do next. If everyone on stage is supposed to improv, I'm screwed. I stink at coming up with things on the spot because I can't process things that fast.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Through it all, follies was an amazing experience. Seeing as how this is the only follies show I will ever do, I'm so thankful to have been a part of it. It helped me grow closer to my LOA sisters and Kyodai brothers, meet some of our alumni, and experience some really great traditions. I only wish I could be around longer!</span><br />
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<b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-19421597122775590492015-01-31T15:28:00.003-08:002015-02-21T12:50:22.115-08:00Emotional Sponge <span style="color: #134f5c;"> So I have learned something new about myself recently. I mean, I've probably always been like this, but I'm just now starting to realize and understand what it is and what it means. I don't know if other people with autism are like this, but I am. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I am what I call an emotional sponge. The strongest emotion in the room is the one I soak up, even if I don't mean to or know what it is. If it's strongly happy, then I'm happy. If it's strongly sad, then I'm sad. If it's strongly angry, then I'm angry. You may think, "Well everyone does that." In a sense, yes they do. However, when it happens to me, it usually happens subconsciously. My mood will change, and I won't even know why. For example, I was hanging out with a group of friends one time. I didn't know it at the time, but there was some tension between two of them about something that had happened earlier. They said nothing about it and tried to act normal. However, the longer we hung out, the more tense and anxious I started to feel. I was even starting to feel angry and started to shut down. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way until I learned what was going on between my two friends. It bewildered me that even though I had no idea what was going on, I still felt all those emotions. It's like I was being empathetic without even knowing it. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Another thing that comes with being an emotional sponge is the way I listen to people who are hurting or upset. Let me explain. I've just recently paid attention to this as well. When I listen to people share a story that makes them cry or involves any kind of strong emotion, I tend to (again) soak it all in. For example, I recently had to share my testimony along with some of the other girls. I cried some while giving mine and cried a little when the others shared theirs. Compared to everyone else, though, I hardly cried. I sat there with what felt like a flat expression on my face, hugged my knees to my chest, and just listened. Only when everyone was finished did I break down into choking sobs. It almost felt like I was absorbing everyone's hurt, all their negative emotions for them, and letting them out in one big cry. I understand I can't really do that. Sometimes, I wish I could, but that's what it feels like for me. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Being an emotional sponge with autism is really hard sometimes. It's hard for me to identify and understand emotions when I know what's going on in the first place. When I don't know what's going on but I start feeling all these emotions anyway, it can be really confusing! Now I'm not saying I'm totally clueless. However, if I'm getting an angry vibe or something, I'm going to be trying to figure out what's going on. That may not be very easy. Now, is it always a bad thing? Absolutely not. It can be good because it causes me to feel how others feel, empathy. It allows me to (hopefully) identify those feelings and try to do something to help. Now that I know this happens to me, maybe I can work on improving it. Maybe I can start trying to understand it better and use it as an advantage. Maybe it <i>will</i> help me be even better at empathizing. Not saying I'm horrible at that, but I could be better. Getting better all the time at this social stuff ;)</span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-21602600064259194852015-01-03T15:29:00.001-08:002015-01-03T15:29:12.089-08:00Autism and the Holidays <span style="color: #134f5c;"> The holidays can be a wonderful time with fun, family and friends, games, food, travelling, and gifts. Many people get time off of work, and students get time away from school. They welcome this time to get to relax and do whatever they please. While I love all of these things too, let add to it what it's like for a person with autism during the holidays. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Number 1 thing is I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I don't like going to the store anyway, on any normal day. However, during the holidays, forget about it. When it all comes down to it, you may not get a present if I couldn't brave going into the store. It's not that I don't love you or don't want to get you anything; it's just that I wouldn't volunteer myself for the Hunger Games. If I can find it online, bonus! I will pay a little extra for shipping and handling. I know what you're thinking, "Everyone hates shopping during the holidays." No, you don't understand. Going shopping during the holidays means at least 3 times as many people as normal pressing into the same sized store. That increases the chances of people touching me, squishing me, bumping up against me. Not okay. Also, I'm a bit claustrophobic. I like enough space to move around in, and I don't like to feel squished and boxed in. Plus, more people equals A LOT more noise. Can you say over-stimulation? Then in all this mess of navigating through masses of people and noise, I still have to actually look for gifts for people. That takes some focus as well. I feel like I'm not giving all my thoughts into picking good presents because my mind has to deal with all the other stimulation that it can't block out. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Right now, I'm on a break from school and work. On one hand, the break has been nice and I needed it. On the other hand, I'm completely off schedule now. It's difficult for me to fall asleep before 2 am, which isn't going to be fun in 2 weeks when I'll have to be at work at 8 am. People with autism often do better with structure and scheduled time. That's why, even though I complain about it sometimes, I actually function well when school and work are going on. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I love, love, love being with my family during the holidays, but I noticed I couldn't keep conversation going the whole time. On Christmas Eve, we always go to my great aunt's house for lunch/dinner. I started out talking to everyone, eating, joking around, etc. After a while, I ended up playing a handheld video game and kind of zoning out. It's not their fault; they're awesome people. Love them to death. I just can only do so much socialization at one time. After that little break, I was good for the rest of the time. Went out and talked some more. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> While the holidays can be challenging to someone with autism, they are still so wonderful. I have a wonderful, supportive family that I got to spend lots of time with. I ate tons of good, home-cooked food. Being a picky eater, you've got to love when you get to eat all your favorite foods LOL. Also, one thing I've always loved is Christmas decorations. We used to drive around when I was a kid and look at all the lights and decorations. Very stimulating for someone with autism. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog over the years and to those who I have picked up along this year! Happy 2015!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b> </span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-75789503522341903622014-12-13T12:18:00.001-08:002014-12-13T12:19:07.150-08:00Don't Let Them See You Cry<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I get asked many questions about Asperger's, and I welcome them. As long as people are willing to learn and understand, I am willing to answer questions. Recently, I was asked if I accepted comfort from other people when I'm upset. The reason behind the question, I suspect, is that a characteristic of autism can be that the person isn't comforted by others in times of distress, like meltdowns. My answer: It depends.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I'm one of those people that hates it when other people see me cry. I don't know why. Maybe it's because when someone cries, people ask what's wrong. If I'm crying, it's usually because I'm sad, angry, overwhelmed, or in a complete meltdown. In any case, my brain either completely shuts down, or it goes into hyper speed. When my brain shuts down, I can't think. When it's going a hundred miles an hour, I can't keep up. Either way, I can't tell you what's wrong in any coherent fashion. Maybe <i>that's</i> why I try to just avoid it all together and not cry at all. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> However, if I have cried around you, it's because I trust you. It means you've known me long enough or well enough to know how hard emotions are for me. It means you know that expressing my emotions, especially when upset, can be difficult for me. It means you understand how my mind works, and that you have to be patient if you want answers. It means I know I don't have to hide anything from you or pretend I'm okay when I'm not. Although, this isn't the only way to know that I trust you Lol. So don't feel bad if I haven't cried around you yet; I just don't cry that much haha. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> The other part about being comforted is the physical contact, like hugs or pats on the back. Like I said last post, I like hugs. However, when I'm upset, especially in a complete meltdown, that sensitivity to touch is very high. Again, it usually depends on how upset I am. If I'm just a little upset or down-in-the-dumps, I'll usually accept a hug or something. Somewhere in the middle of a little upset and really upset, I can usually only stand those I'm close to to give me hugs or comfort me. When I'm really upset, like meltdown upset, nobody touches me. I don't even like those I'm close to to give me hugs or anything. If you're ever unsure whether it would be okay to give me a hug when I'm upset, ask. I can at least handle a yes or no question Lol. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> So this might explain why a person with autism having a meltdown gets worse when you touch them. Even if you're trying to help and comfort them. If they don't want to be touched, don't touch them. Let them process things. If they want to be comforted, comfort them. They will let you know. If you're not sure, ask. How else will you learn and understand?</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b></div>
Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-5097876284117478412014-12-07T14:47:00.000-08:002015-02-21T13:08:41.316-08:00Give Me A Hug! <span style="color: #134f5c;"> We've talked before about how people with autism can have sensitivities to sensory stimuli. In the last post, we looked at how sensitivity to touch can influence the things I wear. Today I want to talk about how sensitivity to touch influences my interactions with other people.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I get asked about hugging a lot. It usually goes something like, "So since you're so sensitive to touch, you probably don't like hugs right?" Or "I thought you didn't like to be touched; you like hugs?" A lot of the time, people misunderstand what I mean when I say I'm sensitive to touch. Light touch bothers me; however, I have a high pain tolerance. I have two tattoos...on the under parts of my lower arms of all places. You could hit me, and it would hurt less than if you brushed up against me. Light touch or brushing up against me feels like someone set ants loose under my skin. It makes my skin crawl. However, when most people hug, they don't do it very lightly. When most people hug, they do it tight enough that it doesn't bother me. I actually like hugs. Getting a hug on a bad day can make it better. Getting a hug any day is good :) Nevertheless, I have to be expecting the hug. People can't just come up, grab me, and hug me. My body instinctively does one of two things: stiffens up and tries to fight back or goes limp and tries to escape. It's a fight or flight response, and I can't help it. However, if I'm expecting you to hug me or if I hug you, it's all cool. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> What I don't like are handshakes when I first meet someone. Can we adopt a custom from another culture in which we don't have to touch each other when introducing ourselves? This is where my autism and OCD mix together. Sometimes, I don't like shaking people's hands because they are sweaty, rough, or they grip my hand too tight. However, it's also because I know how dirty people's hands are. I shake people's hands because I don't want to be rude. I don't like it, though. I'd rather find another way to introduce myself to them. Like...bowing. Maybe we could start bowing to each other. Lol</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> My sensitivities get worse when my anxiety is higher. It's like my mind thinks it has to be on high alert, which makes me more sensitive to everything. For example, when meet new people or being in a big crowd, my sensitivity to touch will be worse. It's rather unfortunate actually. Being in bigger crowds increases the chances of someone brushing up against you. I know that, and that just raises my anxiety even more. It's a vicious cycle. However, the more comfortable and calm I am, the less it bothers me. For example, when I'm around my family or at my own home. Anxiety is low situations like that. My mind doesn't feel the need to protect itself, and I'm less sensitive to things. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I hope I explained that well enough today Lol. Just because a person with autism is sensitive to touch doesn't mean they don't like hugs and affection. Just because we might have a high tolerance for pain doesn't mean it doesn't bother us when you brush up against us. Just because we like some forms of physical contact (hugs) doesn't mean we like others (handshakes). This is why it's important to get to know the person with autism. You can't just learn about autism in general. Autism looks different in each person. I am a person with autism; I am not a diagnosis. It's like they say, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b></div>
Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-39650175636233456712014-11-22T17:11:00.000-08:002014-11-22T17:20:46.075-08:00Why Do You Always Wear Jeans?<span style="color: #134f5c;"> People often question me or comment on the way I dress. Nothing bad. I just have a simple yet unique style of dress. As I've said before, people with autism can have sensory issues, like touch. Certain kinds of clothing or fabrics can be intolerable for us to wear. Things you may not think are a big deal can be a nightmare for us. I'll give some of my personal examples. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I hardly <i>ever</i> wear shorts or Capri pants. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside; you will most likely see me in jeans. Why? A few reasons. First, the less skin I expose, the better. For one thing, it's hard to find a pair of young women's shorts that don't show just a little to much. Second, my skin is sensitive to the touch. I hate it when things brush up against me or lightly touch my skin. If I wear pants all the time, there's less of a chance anything will come in contact with the skin on my legs. Plus, denim is thicker, which means I'll feel even less. It also goes with pretty much anything. It's durable, too. I work with kids, and denim stands up to all the messes that happen at the preschool (eg. paint, dirt, food, and unfortunately, bodily fluids). </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> This next one is something that I didn't notice until someone else recently pointed it out. I only wear short-sleeved shirts if it's going to be fairly warm outside. Otherwise, I wear long-sleeved shirts. However, no matter what kind of shirt I wear, I always carry a jacket with me. May not be a heavy coat, mind you, but I carry some kind of jacket. Ever since that got pointed out to me, I've worked out why. First, it's like the thing with wearing pants all the time. My skin is sensitive, and I don't like things brushing up against it. Solution=long sleeves. Now, obviously that can't happen all the time because it gets super hot sometimes. I do wear short-sleeved shirts, and I'm not sure if it affects me when I'm around people. For example, do I stand further away from people or pull back from them because I don't want them to accidentally brush up against me? Second reason has to do with the jacket. I'm a cold-natured person. I get cold easily. That's why it has to be hot for me to wear short sleeves. I'm so sensitive to the cold that even just a little drop in temperature, and I have my jacket on. That may also explain the jeans. It's easy to wear a short-sleeved shirt and put on a jacket if I get cold. It harder to wear shorts and carry around extra pants in case I get cold. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Dressing up nicer is fun sometimes. Wearing skirts or dresses. However, I only do that every now and then. I feel like skirts and dresses are restricting. I have to sit and walk certain ways. Have you seen me?! I do not sit like a normal person<i>, </i>but I have to in a skirt or dress lol. Skirts and dresses aren't me. Sure, they look nice for special occasions, and I'll do that. Other than that, forget it. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Here are a few extras. I rarely wear flip flops or sandals unless I'm at the beach or swimming or someplace like that. I find them extremely uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially ones that go between your toes. I like TOMS, Nike tennis shoes, Converse, and my black Earth Shoe boots. If I dress up, I will wear the appropriate shoes. Other than that, I stick with my favorites. I don't like hats. They make it feel like my head is being squeezed, and it eventually gives me a headache. I don't wear jewelry, mostly because I can't keep up with it lol. Also because it's a hassle. Bracelets don't fit my wrists and slide everywhere. The adjustable ones pinch my arms. Necklaces are ok, but sometimes the clasps get caught in my long hair. Any kind of dangling earring is annoying because it's constantly touching my face. I don't like wool or any kind of similar, itchy fabric. I don't like the stuff windbreakers are made out of. It's unnecessarily loud, and I hate the sound it makes when it rubs against itself. I don't like tags. If they become a bother, I rip them out of clothing. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my sensitivities when it comes to clothing. However, I hope it gives you an idea of what it's like. Have I tried to "expand my wardrobe"? Yes. Have I tried new things when it comes to fashion? Yes. Have you tried "this"; have you tried "that"? Probably. It doesn't matter. I can do those "new" and "glamorous" things only once in a while. For everyday wear, I'll stick with what I know best. Besides, I believe my beauty isn't defined by the way I look. It's defined by who I am and what I do, my character and my actions. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b> </span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-51141246585986393982014-11-15T15:43:00.000-08:002014-11-15T15:43:08.996-08:00Get in the Zone<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I can't believe it's already Saturday again. I feel like I just wrote one of these the other day lol. I feel like I've been in my own world half of the time this week. That's where our topic comes from today. I'm very much an introvert. It's not that I don't like hanging out with people; I do. It's just that being around people eventually drains my energy, and I have to be alone in order to recharge. I also get overwhelmed easily. My senses are more sensitive than other people's, and I can often have sensory overload. It's harder for me to interpret and understand emotions, my own and other people's. At times, my emotions can overtake my mind and shut it down. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I've always compared the mind to a computer. My computer runs a little different than yours does. It processes information differently than yours does. Sometimes, it runs a little slower than yours does, and you have to be patient with it. Have you ever had a computer freeze up on you because you thought it was going too slow so you kept clicking the mouse? Same thing happens in my head. The more information that keeps coming into it, the slower it runs. If you don't give it time to process it all, it will eventually crash. This is when I feel completely overwhelmed and will usually start crying. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> However, I have come to notice something that is a kind of warning sign before I reach that point-of-no-return. I've noticed that when my mind starts reaching its limit, when I have used up almost all of my energy, I start zoning out. I won't realize it until someone says something to me, snapping me out of it. That's when I realize I've been staring off into space, totally unaware of anyone or anything around me. I've worked out that this is a way my mind warns me that it's reaching its simmering point, and that I should leave as soon as possible.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> However, I think it's also a kind of protection. I've noticed that if I can't leave right away, I will keep zoning in and out. I think this is my mind's way of trying to stay connected in the present moment like its supposed to, but also trying to shut down and process things at the same time. So I'll be present in the moment then, for a few moments, I'll completely zone out. Then the cycle repeats until I can actually get away and fully recharge. I've noticed this happens when I'm around people for too long or when I'm in an environment with too much sensory stimuli. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Sounds like a very frustrating computer to work with, doesn't it? ;) May be, but don't worry. I have almost 25 years of experience with it. It may not be perfect (but whose is), and it may be hard. However, I do my best. </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-20218149633614535622014-11-08T15:00:00.001-08:002014-11-08T15:00:54.268-08:00Containing the Chaos <span style="color: #134f5c;">Today, I'm going to talk about one of the things I do when I don't feel good emotionally. Now, I'm a very flexible person and always have been. I can sit or lie in positions that make most people hurt just by looking at me haha. I can even sleep in some of these uncomfortable-looking positions. They may look uncomfortable to you and you may not be able to sit like that, but they make me feel better.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> The one I'm going to talk about today is probably the smallest I can make my body, which is saying something since I'm already a small person lol. If you're a yoga person, think of the child pose. I pull my knees all the way up to my chest and lay over them. However, instead of laying my arms in front of me, I pull them up against my body too. So there I am sitting (or lying) there with my legs and arms tucked up under me. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Anytime I'm sitting like this, it usually means I don't feel good. It's usually emotionally, but sometimes I do it when I'm sick too. Most often, I do this when I'm overwhelmed. When I get really overwhelmed or anxious, my mind feels like it's going 200 mph. For some reason, my body thinks it has to react accordingly. My muscles, skin, everything feels like they're moving, squirming, almost rippling. I wish I could find adequate words to describe it. The only things I have found that help (that don't involve tearing myself apart) are deep pressure, stimulation, containment. That's why I sit like that; to make myself as small as possible to contain or control that feeling of chaos inside me. It puts deep pressure on, mainly my arms and legs, but on other muscles too, to make that squirming feeling subside. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I may also sit like this when I'm going through a depression episode. Depression can make my muscles ache. Again, one of the things that helps is deep pressure. Also, if you've ever suffered from depression, you'll know that sometimes you just want to curl up into a ball and disappear for a while. You wish you were a turtle that could hide in your protective, hard shell that no one can get into, and you could come out when you wanted. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Sometimes, however, I will sit like this without knowing exactly what's wrong. It's almost like a warning of sorts. I know that if I feel the need to curl up like this, then something must be wrong; something is going on. So if you ever see me sitting like this, chances are that I'm not feeling good. Sometimes I know what's wrong, and sometimes I don't. I may be able to talk about it, or I may not be able to find the right words. However, having another person there is helpful, even if it's just to vent to. My mind may be racing, but my mouth can only move so fast. Talking to another person helps me organize my thoughts and get rid of all the irrational ones. This, in turn, lowers the anxiety, and the feeling in my muscles goes away. Did I say that I needed another person in order to calm down and feel better? No. I have become skilled in calming myself down; otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this post. However, it's always nice to have friends and family to help you out and support you :)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-89304106681005583762014-10-25T15:46:00.000-07:002014-10-25T16:15:03.733-07:00Why Won't You Look Me in The Eyes?<span style="color: #134f5c;">So many eyes</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">All around me</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Staring</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Watching</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Observing</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">So many eyes</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">To stumble into</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Causing confusion</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Anxiety</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Disorientation</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">So many eyes</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">So deep</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Containing every aspect</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Every emotion</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Of a person</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">So many eyes</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Wanting to look in mine</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">To dig deep</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Into who I am</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">To judge me</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">So I cover my eyes</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">And start to hum</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">I may even cry</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">It is all to much</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Make it stop!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Why won't you </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Look me in the eyes?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">You ask</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Do you not understand</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">That I can't?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Many people have this question: Why do people with autism avoid eye contact with other people? The poem above gives you my perspective, and that's what I can give you; my perspective. For me, eye contact is very awkward. Sometimes, it's almost painful. Yeah, painful. You have to understand that "typical" people make eye contact as a nonverbal form of communication. There is a lot of emotion in a person's eyes. A person may be good at hiding how they are feeling on the outside, but the eyes don't lie. Here's how that plays out in autism.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> People with autism have trouble with other people's emotions. Looking into your eyes may mean seeing some emotions that we don't know how to deal with. We may feel ill-equipped to help you. That makes us feel anxious, even more anxious than we already are in social situations. Also, it could be confusing. If your mouth is saying one thing but your eyes are saying another thing, our brain may not know how to process that. Then you throw body language into the equation. Whoa! Shut the system down! It's just too much, and our brains can only process so much. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> On the flip side, people with autism have trouble with their own emotions. It's hard to let someone else try and understand your emotions when you don't fully understand them yourself sometimes. I can't speak for everyone on the spectrum, but I'm personally not good at hiding my feelings. I'm doing good if I'm able to identify and deal with my emotions and what caused them in a particular situation. However, if someone looked into my eyes, they may figure it out before I did. That's when I can't answer their questions of "What's wrong?" or "Are you ok?" They get a lot of "I don't know". </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> William Shakespeare said, "The eyes are the windows to your soul." I'd say that's true because when I look into someone's eyes, I feel lost. Lost in everything that makes up that person. Lost in trying to trudge through all of that to get to the important stuff that matters in that present moment. It takes all my attention that I can't focus on anything else, much less on what they're saying. So I cheat lol. I watch people's mouths when they talk. This is close enough that it looks like I'm making eye contact, but I'm really not. It also helps because unless I <i>watch</i> someone talk, I have a hard time understanding what they say. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"> So don't take offense if a person with autism isn't looking at you in the eyes. Forcing us to make eye contact would be the worst thing to do. Just because we aren't looking at you, doesn't mean we aren't listening. We just have a different way of doing things :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b> </span></div>
Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-85017430187675786262014-10-18T14:56:00.001-07:002014-10-18T14:56:11.955-07:00Answered Prayer<span style="color: #134f5c;"> So in one of my psychology classes, my professor decided to do a little experiment...because that's what psychology people do lol. She gave us depression and anxiety self-evaluations. Then she said we would be taking the first part of each class for a time of prayer and meditation on God's Word. We would then see if our depression and anxiety improved. I thought, "Great idea because I suffer from clinical anxiety and depression." </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> One of my prayers was specifically about my anxieties, especially my social anxiety. Because I have autism, social situations take more work for me. I sometimes feel lost, confused, or unsure, and that leads to anxiety. My prayer was that God would lessen my anxiety and help me connect with people better. I never thought He would do what He did!</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I've mentioned before that I'm in the process of joining a social club at school. I knew it would be a good way to make new friends and connect with people. God has taken it even further. Since starting this process, I feel like a rose that blossomed from a closed-up bud. I went from the girl that tried to blend into the wall to being able to go up to someone, introduce myself, and keep a conversation going. I went from "I can't wait to go home" to "I can't wait for the next get-together". Before, I walked around campus saying, "I don't know any of these people." Now, I can walk around campus and say, "I know her and her and him and him..." </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I was talking to my best friend, Erin, the other day. She has walked through this long and treacherous journey with me and was always by my side. She has seen the good and the bad and helped me through some rough times. I was telling her about all of this, and she laughed. Not in a mocking way but in an amused and delighted sort of way. She said, "That's a real change from when I first met you. You used to be so hesitant in big crowds and meeting new people. Now you're meeting tons of new people and going to these mixers. And now it's not a matter of 'Do I want to do this at all?'; it's a matter of 'Which one do I want to do?'"</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I can see the change in myself in just this short amount of time, and I love it! God not only answered my prayer, but He went above and beyond my expectations. With my past experiences, I guess I should know by now that that's how He works lol. God always answers our prayers. However, He answers them His way and in His own time. </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-37196802273115551712014-10-13T16:16:00.000-07:002014-10-13T16:16:09.450-07:00My Two New Therapeutic Tools <span style="color: #134f5c;">A couple of weeks ago, I bought some of that cool, new Kinetic Sand. If you've seen the commercial on TV, you've seen how cool this stuff is. I decided to buy some after watching a video from grav3yardgirl on YouTube. I talked about her videos in my last post. In this one, she reviewed Kinetic Sand, showed how cool it was, and talked about how it can be really therapeutic. It's pretty awesome. I wish I could describe on here how this stuff moves and feels. It's really unique and amazing! I love to watch it fall from my hands. I find it most helpful when I'm studying. When studying and doing homework, I get really distracted sometimes. It's hard for me to concentrate, and I lose my train of thought often. I have found that if I use Kinetic Sand while I'm doing homework, I get distracted less often. When I do find myself losing focus, I use the Kinetic Sand as the distraction instead of things like Facebook or TV. It allows me to take my mind off my work for just a few seconds, do something calming that doesn't take my full attention away from the task, and then get back to work. It's been working really well. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Another great thing I've acquired recently is a rocking recliner. See, my brother and I moved into a trailer house together in a very nice, gated trailer park. Our new trailer house came with a couch, chair, and the rocking recliner. It's my new favorite thing! I love it! It's so comfy. My brother claimed it as "his", but I sit in it more than he does. I like to do my homework or watch TV in it. It's really relaxing to sit there and rock back and forth in it, especially if I'm listening to music. When I'm doing homework, it actually helps me concentrate because it calms me down and reduces stress. I'm actually sitting in it right now as I write this blog post lol. So those are my two new favorite things, and how I use them to help me.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-4560823429632649372014-09-24T19:04:00.002-07:002014-09-24T19:04:58.114-07:00Play It Again!<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Recently, I have realized something about myself and my autism. A characteristic of autism is repetitive behaviors. It's a required characteristic to have in order to be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. A repetitive behavior can be almost anything. It could be rocking, spinning, a child pushing the same button on a toy, listening to the same song, watching the same video, anything.....over and over and over again. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Mine used to be worse when I was younger. I'd rewind and watch the same movie over and over again. I'd listen to the same song as many times as someone would let me. I loved those books that had buttons that made noises. I really didn't even care about the story, just pushing the buttons haha. I used to have a little rocking chair that I would sit in <i>all the time </i>and rock in it while I watched TV. Now that I'm older, those repetitive behaviors have mostly disappeared.....mostly. My favorite place to sit is still in a rocking chair where I can just rock back and forth and watch TV, read, talk to people, whatever I want. If I get a new favorite song, I will still listen to it over and over again until either I get sick of it or other people do. However, the thing I realized about myself was about movies. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> If I really like a movie, I could watch it probably every other day and not get tired of it. For example, right now my movie of choice is Divergent. I don't know how many times I've watched that movie, but I love it and could watch it again. It's not as bad as when I was younger and would watch the same movie over and over again in one day. However, I still see that characteristic in myself. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I also like to watch videos on YouTube. I have an account, and I'm subscribed to many channels. Right now, I'm obsessed with one channel called grav3yardgirl. Most of her videos are about make up, beauty tips, clothes, stuff like that. She also does videos in which she tests out As Seen On TV products to see if they really work. I love those videos. She also has videos where she goes shopping and takes her camera into the store so you can "follow her around" the store. I love those too because they're fun. She has a crazy, random personality.....like me sometimes lol. I can also relate to her because she vlogs about how she deals with anxiety and depression and all that not-so-fun stuff. I've been there. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Here's where the autism comes in. There are several videos I love and find really funny. I have watched these videos so many times, I couldn't even tell you how many. With these, I find myself watching them over and over again multiple times in a day. It's usually when I get home after a long day, and I need something to make me feel better. I know her videos are going to make me laugh, and, since I've watched them so many times, they are predictable. Autism loves predictability lol. Don't get me wrong. I'll go out and try new things and be spontaneous if I want to be. However, at the end of the day, at least for this girl with autism, it's nice to have something predictable that I can control.....and something that makes me laugh. It's weird that even though I know what's going to happen, it still makes me laugh. </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #134f5c;">"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</span></b>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-85166083091959462522014-09-17T14:52:00.001-07:002014-09-17T15:02:44.592-07:00Happy Birthday, Blog! <span style="color: #134f5c;">This is a very special blog post. The other day, I was reading my old blog posts and noticed that I wrote the first post for this blog exactly three years ago today. As I read over those old blog posts, I realized how much I've changed in those three years. I realized how much my Asperger's has changed. A lot has happened during that time. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> One thing that happened shortly after September 2011 is I moved into my very own apartment and got a stable job. That was huge for me. Before that, my health kept me from working, which then meant I didn't have the money to live on my own. I've been living on my own ever since, and I've made it work. I can't say I'm completely on my own because my parents still help me out. However, I have a consistent job, and I have a place to call my own. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Another thing that has changed is my Asperger's. Three years ago, I was prone to high anxiety. I didn't really know how to go up to people and start a conversation and really had no desire to do so anyway. I was more prone to meltdowns and got overwhelmed easier. My senses were more hyper-vigilant. Sounds used to bother me a lot more. I used to be more of a picky eater. It wasn't as bad as when I was younger, but it was worse than it is now. When it came to my job working with kids, I used to get SO anxious at just the thought of having to take care of the kids by myself. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Three years later, things are a lot better. While I still deal with high anxiety at times, I'm now learning ways to manage it. I don't get overwhelmed nearly as easily anymore, and meltdowns are rare. Now, my meltdowns almost look like a normal girl having a "just because" cry lol. Obviously it's more complicated than that, but a person who didn't know me very well probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. My overactive senses are getting better, too. Noises don't bother me as much as they used to. I don't know what I did to make that better. Maybe it was working with kids for so long haha. Speaking of working with kids, I feel like I've gotten so much better at my job. I'm not nearly as anxious when it comes to taking care of the kids by myself. I'm much more confident in myself, and my ability to do my job. I'm also getting better at eating different foods. I've become braver when it comes to trying new foods as well. I used to not even try new foods. Now I will, and I find I like a lot of things I thought I wouldn't.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Most of all, there has been a huge change in the social part of my Asperger's. If you've kept up with this blog, you'll have read my posts about my improvements with social skills. I've learned what true empathy is. I'm constantly improving my skills on the give and take of conversation. I took a huge step about a year ago and started online dating. This is huge for me because of the past I have. Now, I'm talking to a really great guy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> Most importantly, at least to me, is that I'm making new friends. Going through this process to join a social club has really brought me out of my shell. I've been working on that over the years and have gotten better at it since starting this blog. However, I feel like I've really blossomed over the last couple of weeks. I've met so many new people...and I love it! After taking a while to warm up at that first girl's night, it's becoming easier and easier to meet new people. In the past, after I got used to certain people, I would kind of stick with them in a group setting. The other night, at the second girl's night, I was braver. I still talked to the girls I already knew, but I also went up to new people and introduced myself. I've never done that as easily as I did that night! I love it! </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> It makes me feel good that this is getting easier because then it means people can get to know me easier. It's just the initial interaction with people that I have a hard time hurdling over. Once that's out of the way, it's easier. I'm working on it; it's getting better! People that know me best know that I'm definitely not shy and quiet. With new people, we just have to get past that first hurdle so you can get to know me and see for yourself just how cool I am ;)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7218252828955876513.post-79319839145003930612014-09-09T18:51:00.001-07:002014-09-09T18:52:45.992-07:00Unwritten Social Rule #1<span style="color: #134f5c;"> One of the unwritten social rules that many people with Asperger's have trouble with is knowing boundaries. It's not that we purposely ignore boundaries or don't want to respect them. It's most likely that we don't even know what the boundaries are in the first place. People with Asperger's are pretty good rule followers. Once we know the rules and boundaries, you can pretty much count on us to respect them.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> I sometimes feel that "typical" people have this radar, and they pick up on things I don't; like my radar is broken or something. "Typical" people seem to know, without being told, social boundaries. For example, they know when they've overstayed their welcome at someone's house or when it's not their place to say or do something. It can all be quite confusing actually.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> That's why we need people to tell us straightforward what they expect from us. We have to be told "Yes, that's ok" or "No, you shouldn't do that". You can't just assume we know what to do. If you start assuming, we may do something you consider rude without realizing it. We don't even realize what we've done could be considered rude unless you tell us. Then again, there is less room for error if we know what the boundaries are in the first place.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;"> However, when informing or correcting someone with Asperger's about a social situation, be understanding and gentle. We already have a hard time in social situations and trying to learn all these rules that come to others so naturally. The last thing we need is to feel bombarded or criticized or like we failed. We are the same as "typical" people when it comes to needing support, love, and encouragement. So when helping or correcting someone with Asperger syndrome, make sure it's out of love.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~</b></span>Kelcyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16722880961054191819noreply@blogger.com0