For those of you new to the Asperger's world, let me explain. Asperger's syndrome is a disorder that causes the brain to develop abnormally. People with Asperger's live with it their entire lives. It affects the normal pattern of development; hence the term "developmental disorder". Asperger's is the mildest of the autism spectrum disorders. Yes; Asperger's is essentially autism. That means people with Asperger's have social difficulties, limited interests, sensory issues, and repetitive behaviors. And those are just the main characteristics. Asperger's affects every part of a person's life. However, unlike classic autism, people with Asperger's usually have average or above-average IQ's, begin talking at the right age, and can actually look "normal" to the untrained eye. Let me explain my story and maybe it will make more sense.
I didn't always know I had Asperger's. As I child, my parents saw behaviors they thought were "eccentric" or "unique", but never thought much of it. For example, I would line things up all the time; stuffed animals, books, writing utensils, etc. I had limited interests. I loved baby dolls and played with them almost all the time. I was also addicted to Disney movies. I had to have certain routines performed all the time, or I would become very upset and cry. Such routines would include my bedtime routine or the classroom schedule at school. I was a picky eater because of the sensitivities to texture and taste. Even before starting school, I was smart (I'm not trying to brag; it's just a characteristic). I understood the infinite nature of numbers at age 4. I was reading books to myself also by age 4. However, I had no "common sense". I would go for walks down the street or to a neighbor's house without telling my parents never thinking that I should ask them first because they wouldn't know where I was otherwise. I would run across the street without looking for traffic. I seemed to have no sense of danger.
When I started school, things only worsened. I would come home crying because kids would tease me for being "different" or "weird". I never seemed to fit in. My teachers all through elementary kept telling my parents to get me tested because they thought I had ADD/ADHD (which was the diagnostic craze at the time). I would get in trouble with the teachers quite often. I was bossy to others as well when they didn't follow rules. Asperger's children are very set on following rules and insisting others do the same. In my younger years, I was talkative and friendly; trying to make and keep friends. As the years and teasing went on, I became more withdrawn. I started to realize I was different from my peers. By high school, I was at the beginnings of depression and was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder after having several panic attacks.
In my first semester at college, my depression exploded. The change was just too great, and I broke down. I was diagnosed with depression in October 2008 and put on my first antidepressant. Since then, I have been dealing with chronic depression episodes and been put on several medications that have failed or had horrible side effects. The first medication failed drastically, and I became suicidal that December. A couple weeks later, in January, I was evaluated by a psychologist. I was diagnosed with severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in January 2009, which I've known I've had since I was 10 years old after watching a special on TV. I was referred to a psychiatrist. When I finally saw him in February, he hospitalized me immediately. I was in a behavioral health unit for 5 days and put on medications. I was also put into therapy. I finally started feeling better...but something still didn't quite feel right.
I went back to the psychologist in April 2009 and told her my concerns. She confessed that when she first evaluated me, she suspected Asperger's syndrome. However, she wanted to wait and make sure medications and therapy didn't help first. She thought maybe it could've just been part of the depression and OCD. She did further evaluation and interviewed my mom about my childhood. That's when she diagnosed me with Asperger's syndrome. I felt so vindicated; so settled. After doing some research, I was shocked. Thinking back, I couldn't believe how nobody caught it until now. I had so many of the characteristics, especially as a younger child. As I got older, I started finding ways to mask my differences so that they wouldn't be so apparent. I guess all the suppression was part of what caused such a big break down.
Since then, I've been striving to live my life with my diagnosis and understand it. I also advocate and educate others about autism. No one should have to go through life without an answer or being bullied or feeling misunderstood because people aren't aware of autism and Asperger's syndrome. That's why I tell people. So this blog will basically be what life is like from the perspective of a person seeing the world through Asperger's eyes.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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