Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy with life haha. I've had school, finals, went to a concert, and went to a dulcimer music festival. Actually, that last one is what I'm going to talk about today.
This last weekend, Tommy (my boyfriend) and I went to Glen Rose, TX for the 34th Annual Lone Star State Dulcimer Music Festival. We had a blast! My friend Wendy, who I met at Erin's wedding, was the one who told me about the festival. She was also there, and we became her unofficial roadies LOL. This festival consists of two full days of people playing music on the stage in the middle of the park, contests, merchandise selling, raffles, dancing, workshops, and jam sessions.
After a crazy first night of getting in at 12:30am and sleeping in Tommy's truck, we found Wendy. We had actually been parked next to her the whole time haha. We had some drama with the front office and our tent situation. Long story short, I ended up staying in Wendy's two-room tent with her, and Tommy slept in one of ours. That craziness and change in plans is not a good start to a weekend for a person on the spectrum. However, it got better after that.
We had a great time helping Wendy with her merchandise stand and enjoying the festival. However, because of my autism and the kind of person I am, I reach a point in my day where I am just done...with everything. I've been around people too long or done too much work that I'm just mentally done. My brain starts to shut down. I feel like a zombie moving around, only half aware of what's going on around me. I think that's how I must look too because some people notice it. I don't think Tommy knew exactly what it was, but he knew something was up and would as if I was okay. Wendy knew though and could tell I was done. She recognized it because she gets the same way.
Day 1 wasn't too bad. I got to that point, but it wasn't until the end of the day. I was able to put myself to bed and get some sleep. Day 2 was harder. I hit that point earlier in the day, about mid-afternoon. You have to understand that when I reach this point, I don't like to be touched a lot. I don't like to answer questions or talk a lot. Anything that requires a lot of mental effort is out of the question because my brain is just not working fast enough. I get irritated and frustrated very easily. Poor Tommy was on the receiving end of much of my irritability that day, and it wasn't his fault. He's very much a physical person. That is, he shows his love, affection, and concern through touch (hugs, rubbing my back, holding hands, etc.). That's very different from me. We've had to compromise.
On that 2nd day of the festival, the more withdrawn and upset I seemed to get, the more he wanted to comfort me. The more he did that, the more annoyed I got because I didn't want to be touched. However, because I was in this state and my brain wasn't working properly, I couldn't find the words to adequately describe to him what was going on without being rude. All my mind was say was, "STOP TOUCHING ME!" I didn't want to yell at him so I said nothing. I eventually had to go off by myself where I could let my mind rest and reset. When I came back, I was able to coherently talk to him about what was going on and how I felt. He apologized and said he had no idea I felt that way and that he was making things worse. He also said he understood and agreed to give me my space when I needed it. I knew that communicating my needs was what I needed to do. It's just that sometimes it takes resetting my brain in order to do so.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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