Today, I'm going to talk about one of the things I do when I don't feel good emotionally. Now, I'm a very flexible person and always have been. I can sit or lie in positions that make most people hurt just by looking at me haha. I can even sleep in some of these uncomfortable-looking positions. They may look uncomfortable to you and you may not be able to sit like that, but they make me feel better.
The one I'm going to talk about today is probably the smallest I can make my body, which is saying something since I'm already a small person lol. If you're a yoga person, think of the child pose. I pull my knees all the way up to my chest and lay over them. However, instead of laying my arms in front of me, I pull them up against my body too. So there I am sitting (or lying) there with my legs and arms tucked up under me.
Anytime I'm sitting like this, it usually means I don't feel good. It's usually emotionally, but sometimes I do it when I'm sick too. Most often, I do this when I'm overwhelmed. When I get really overwhelmed or anxious, my mind feels like it's going 200 mph. For some reason, my body thinks it has to react accordingly. My muscles, skin, everything feels like they're moving, squirming, almost rippling. I wish I could find adequate words to describe it. The only things I have found that help (that don't involve tearing myself apart) are deep pressure, stimulation, containment. That's why I sit like that; to make myself as small as possible to contain or control that feeling of chaos inside me. It puts deep pressure on, mainly my arms and legs, but on other muscles too, to make that squirming feeling subside.
I may also sit like this when I'm going through a depression episode. Depression can make my muscles ache. Again, one of the things that helps is deep pressure. Also, if you've ever suffered from depression, you'll know that sometimes you just want to curl up into a ball and disappear for a while. You wish you were a turtle that could hide in your protective, hard shell that no one can get into, and you could come out when you wanted.
Sometimes, however, I will sit like this without knowing exactly what's wrong. It's almost like a warning of sorts. I know that if I feel the need to curl up like this, then something must be wrong; something is going on. So if you ever see me sitting like this, chances are that I'm not feeling good. Sometimes I know what's wrong, and sometimes I don't. I may be able to talk about it, or I may not be able to find the right words. However, having another person there is helpful, even if it's just to vent to. My mind may be racing, but my mouth can only move so fast. Talking to another person helps me organize my thoughts and get rid of all the irrational ones. This, in turn, lowers the anxiety, and the feeling in my muscles goes away. Did I say that I needed another person in order to calm down and feel better? No. I have become skilled in calming myself down; otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this post. However, it's always nice to have friends and family to help you out and support you :)
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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