I realize I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. My life has been so busy since I've joined this social club, and it's been a blast! Two weeks ago, I was involved in Master Follies. We had shows to do that whole week, but the biggest ones were that weekend. We had been practicing for weeks, getting ready for these shows. Sometimes it felt longer than it actually was. We were usually running on little sleep, and we were around each other for hours at a time every day. It was great, and it was tiring at the same time lol.
The shows were amazing! I admit I would get a little nervous, but it was always more of an excited nervous. I love being onstage and performing for people. I like working hard for something, practicing it, and getting to show it off. I love the applause and praises people give you when they love what they've seen. I love being able to dress up in costumes and step into a different role, to be someone else for a time. It's fun and and entertaining. I also did One Act in high school and junior high. I loved it. I'm pretty competitive, which made One Act and follies extra fun for me lol. I may not be the best one up there on the stage, but I love doing it.
You might be thinking, "Performing? Aren't people with autism introverted and shy?" Sometimes and in some situation, yes we are. However, like I said, something happens when I get up on that stage. I'm not me. I get to be someone else. Interactions on stage are scripted, and I've been working with the cast for weeks or months before performances. I know them, and they are likely my friends. I don't know everyone in the audience, but that's ok. They only watch me, and I don't have to interact with them directly while I'm onstage. Also, on a side note, I'm horrible at improv. If I'm going to be onstage, it's going to be in a scripted performance where I know what I'm supposed to do next. If everyone on stage is supposed to improv, I'm screwed. I stink at coming up with things on the spot because I can't process things that fast.
Through it all, follies was an amazing experience. Seeing as how this is the only follies show I will ever do, I'm so thankful to have been a part of it. It helped me grow closer to my LOA sisters and Kyodai brothers, meet some of our alumni, and experience some really great traditions. I only wish I could be around longer!
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Emotional Sponge
So I have learned something new about myself recently. I mean, I've probably always been like this, but I'm just now starting to realize and understand what it is and what it means. I don't know if other people with autism are like this, but I am.
I am what I call an emotional sponge. The strongest emotion in the room is the one I soak up, even if I don't mean to or know what it is. If it's strongly happy, then I'm happy. If it's strongly sad, then I'm sad. If it's strongly angry, then I'm angry. You may think, "Well everyone does that." In a sense, yes they do. However, when it happens to me, it usually happens subconsciously. My mood will change, and I won't even know why. For example, I was hanging out with a group of friends one time. I didn't know it at the time, but there was some tension between two of them about something that had happened earlier. They said nothing about it and tried to act normal. However, the longer we hung out, the more tense and anxious I started to feel. I was even starting to feel angry and started to shut down. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way until I learned what was going on between my two friends. It bewildered me that even though I had no idea what was going on, I still felt all those emotions. It's like I was being empathetic without even knowing it.
Another thing that comes with being an emotional sponge is the way I listen to people who are hurting or upset. Let me explain. I've just recently paid attention to this as well. When I listen to people share a story that makes them cry or involves any kind of strong emotion, I tend to (again) soak it all in. For example, I recently had to share my testimony along with some of the other girls. I cried some while giving mine and cried a little when the others shared theirs. Compared to everyone else, though, I hardly cried. I sat there with what felt like a flat expression on my face, hugged my knees to my chest, and just listened. Only when everyone was finished did I break down into choking sobs. It almost felt like I was absorbing everyone's hurt, all their negative emotions for them, and letting them out in one big cry. I understand I can't really do that. Sometimes, I wish I could, but that's what it feels like for me.
Being an emotional sponge with autism is really hard sometimes. It's hard for me to identify and understand emotions when I know what's going on in the first place. When I don't know what's going on but I start feeling all these emotions anyway, it can be really confusing! Now I'm not saying I'm totally clueless. However, if I'm getting an angry vibe or something, I'm going to be trying to figure out what's going on. That may not be very easy. Now, is it always a bad thing? Absolutely not. It can be good because it causes me to feel how others feel, empathy. It allows me to (hopefully) identify those feelings and try to do something to help. Now that I know this happens to me, maybe I can work on improving it. Maybe I can start trying to understand it better and use it as an advantage. Maybe it will help me be even better at empathizing. Not saying I'm horrible at that, but I could be better. Getting better all the time at this social stuff ;)
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
I am what I call an emotional sponge. The strongest emotion in the room is the one I soak up, even if I don't mean to or know what it is. If it's strongly happy, then I'm happy. If it's strongly sad, then I'm sad. If it's strongly angry, then I'm angry. You may think, "Well everyone does that." In a sense, yes they do. However, when it happens to me, it usually happens subconsciously. My mood will change, and I won't even know why. For example, I was hanging out with a group of friends one time. I didn't know it at the time, but there was some tension between two of them about something that had happened earlier. They said nothing about it and tried to act normal. However, the longer we hung out, the more tense and anxious I started to feel. I was even starting to feel angry and started to shut down. I didn't understand why I was feeling that way until I learned what was going on between my two friends. It bewildered me that even though I had no idea what was going on, I still felt all those emotions. It's like I was being empathetic without even knowing it.
Another thing that comes with being an emotional sponge is the way I listen to people who are hurting or upset. Let me explain. I've just recently paid attention to this as well. When I listen to people share a story that makes them cry or involves any kind of strong emotion, I tend to (again) soak it all in. For example, I recently had to share my testimony along with some of the other girls. I cried some while giving mine and cried a little when the others shared theirs. Compared to everyone else, though, I hardly cried. I sat there with what felt like a flat expression on my face, hugged my knees to my chest, and just listened. Only when everyone was finished did I break down into choking sobs. It almost felt like I was absorbing everyone's hurt, all their negative emotions for them, and letting them out in one big cry. I understand I can't really do that. Sometimes, I wish I could, but that's what it feels like for me.
Being an emotional sponge with autism is really hard sometimes. It's hard for me to identify and understand emotions when I know what's going on in the first place. When I don't know what's going on but I start feeling all these emotions anyway, it can be really confusing! Now I'm not saying I'm totally clueless. However, if I'm getting an angry vibe or something, I'm going to be trying to figure out what's going on. That may not be very easy. Now, is it always a bad thing? Absolutely not. It can be good because it causes me to feel how others feel, empathy. It allows me to (hopefully) identify those feelings and try to do something to help. Now that I know this happens to me, maybe I can work on improving it. Maybe I can start trying to understand it better and use it as an advantage. Maybe it will help me be even better at empathizing. Not saying I'm horrible at that, but I could be better. Getting better all the time at this social stuff ;)
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Autism and the Holidays
The holidays can be a wonderful time with fun, family and friends, games, food, travelling, and gifts. Many people get time off of work, and students get time away from school. They welcome this time to get to relax and do whatever they please. While I love all of these things too, let add to it what it's like for a person with autism during the holidays.
Number 1 thing is I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I don't like going to the store anyway, on any normal day. However, during the holidays, forget about it. When it all comes down to it, you may not get a present if I couldn't brave going into the store. It's not that I don't love you or don't want to get you anything; it's just that I wouldn't volunteer myself for the Hunger Games. If I can find it online, bonus! I will pay a little extra for shipping and handling. I know what you're thinking, "Everyone hates shopping during the holidays." No, you don't understand. Going shopping during the holidays means at least 3 times as many people as normal pressing into the same sized store. That increases the chances of people touching me, squishing me, bumping up against me. Not okay. Also, I'm a bit claustrophobic. I like enough space to move around in, and I don't like to feel squished and boxed in. Plus, more people equals A LOT more noise. Can you say over-stimulation? Then in all this mess of navigating through masses of people and noise, I still have to actually look for gifts for people. That takes some focus as well. I feel like I'm not giving all my thoughts into picking good presents because my mind has to deal with all the other stimulation that it can't block out.
Right now, I'm on a break from school and work. On one hand, the break has been nice and I needed it. On the other hand, I'm completely off schedule now. It's difficult for me to fall asleep before 2 am, which isn't going to be fun in 2 weeks when I'll have to be at work at 8 am. People with autism often do better with structure and scheduled time. That's why, even though I complain about it sometimes, I actually function well when school and work are going on.
I love, love, love being with my family during the holidays, but I noticed I couldn't keep conversation going the whole time. On Christmas Eve, we always go to my great aunt's house for lunch/dinner. I started out talking to everyone, eating, joking around, etc. After a while, I ended up playing a handheld video game and kind of zoning out. It's not their fault; they're awesome people. Love them to death. I just can only do so much socialization at one time. After that little break, I was good for the rest of the time. Went out and talked some more.
While the holidays can be challenging to someone with autism, they are still so wonderful. I have a wonderful, supportive family that I got to spend lots of time with. I ate tons of good, home-cooked food. Being a picky eater, you've got to love when you get to eat all your favorite foods LOL. Also, one thing I've always loved is Christmas decorations. We used to drive around when I was a kid and look at all the lights and decorations. Very stimulating for someone with autism. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog over the years and to those who I have picked up along this year! Happy 2015!
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Number 1 thing is I HATE SHOPPING!!!!! I don't like going to the store anyway, on any normal day. However, during the holidays, forget about it. When it all comes down to it, you may not get a present if I couldn't brave going into the store. It's not that I don't love you or don't want to get you anything; it's just that I wouldn't volunteer myself for the Hunger Games. If I can find it online, bonus! I will pay a little extra for shipping and handling. I know what you're thinking, "Everyone hates shopping during the holidays." No, you don't understand. Going shopping during the holidays means at least 3 times as many people as normal pressing into the same sized store. That increases the chances of people touching me, squishing me, bumping up against me. Not okay. Also, I'm a bit claustrophobic. I like enough space to move around in, and I don't like to feel squished and boxed in. Plus, more people equals A LOT more noise. Can you say over-stimulation? Then in all this mess of navigating through masses of people and noise, I still have to actually look for gifts for people. That takes some focus as well. I feel like I'm not giving all my thoughts into picking good presents because my mind has to deal with all the other stimulation that it can't block out.
Right now, I'm on a break from school and work. On one hand, the break has been nice and I needed it. On the other hand, I'm completely off schedule now. It's difficult for me to fall asleep before 2 am, which isn't going to be fun in 2 weeks when I'll have to be at work at 8 am. People with autism often do better with structure and scheduled time. That's why, even though I complain about it sometimes, I actually function well when school and work are going on.
I love, love, love being with my family during the holidays, but I noticed I couldn't keep conversation going the whole time. On Christmas Eve, we always go to my great aunt's house for lunch/dinner. I started out talking to everyone, eating, joking around, etc. After a while, I ended up playing a handheld video game and kind of zoning out. It's not their fault; they're awesome people. Love them to death. I just can only do so much socialization at one time. After that little break, I was good for the rest of the time. Went out and talked some more.
While the holidays can be challenging to someone with autism, they are still so wonderful. I have a wonderful, supportive family that I got to spend lots of time with. I ate tons of good, home-cooked food. Being a picky eater, you've got to love when you get to eat all your favorite foods LOL. Also, one thing I've always loved is Christmas decorations. We used to drive around when I was a kid and look at all the lights and decorations. Very stimulating for someone with autism. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog over the years and to those who I have picked up along this year! Happy 2015!
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Don't Let Them See You Cry
I get asked many questions about Asperger's, and I welcome them. As long as people are willing to learn and understand, I am willing to answer questions. Recently, I was asked if I accepted comfort from other people when I'm upset. The reason behind the question, I suspect, is that a characteristic of autism can be that the person isn't comforted by others in times of distress, like meltdowns. My answer: It depends.
I'm one of those people that hates it when other people see me cry. I don't know why. Maybe it's because when someone cries, people ask what's wrong. If I'm crying, it's usually because I'm sad, angry, overwhelmed, or in a complete meltdown. In any case, my brain either completely shuts down, or it goes into hyper speed. When my brain shuts down, I can't think. When it's going a hundred miles an hour, I can't keep up. Either way, I can't tell you what's wrong in any coherent fashion. Maybe that's why I try to just avoid it all together and not cry at all.
However, if I have cried around you, it's because I trust you. It means you've known me long enough or well enough to know how hard emotions are for me. It means you know that expressing my emotions, especially when upset, can be difficult for me. It means you understand how my mind works, and that you have to be patient if you want answers. It means I know I don't have to hide anything from you or pretend I'm okay when I'm not. Although, this isn't the only way to know that I trust you Lol. So don't feel bad if I haven't cried around you yet; I just don't cry that much haha.
The other part about being comforted is the physical contact, like hugs or pats on the back. Like I said last post, I like hugs. However, when I'm upset, especially in a complete meltdown, that sensitivity to touch is very high. Again, it usually depends on how upset I am. If I'm just a little upset or down-in-the-dumps, I'll usually accept a hug or something. Somewhere in the middle of a little upset and really upset, I can usually only stand those I'm close to to give me hugs or comfort me. When I'm really upset, like meltdown upset, nobody touches me. I don't even like those I'm close to to give me hugs or anything. If you're ever unsure whether it would be okay to give me a hug when I'm upset, ask. I can at least handle a yes or no question Lol.
So this might explain why a person with autism having a meltdown gets worse when you touch them. Even if you're trying to help and comfort them. If they don't want to be touched, don't touch them. Let them process things. If they want to be comforted, comfort them. They will let you know. If you're not sure, ask. How else will you learn and understand?
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Give Me A Hug!
We've talked before about how people with autism can have sensitivities to sensory stimuli. In the last post, we looked at how sensitivity to touch can influence the things I wear. Today I want to talk about how sensitivity to touch influences my interactions with other people.
I get asked about hugging a lot. It usually goes something like, "So since you're so sensitive to touch, you probably don't like hugs right?" Or "I thought you didn't like to be touched; you like hugs?" A lot of the time, people misunderstand what I mean when I say I'm sensitive to touch. Light touch bothers me; however, I have a high pain tolerance. I have two tattoos...on the under parts of my lower arms of all places. You could hit me, and it would hurt less than if you brushed up against me. Light touch or brushing up against me feels like someone set ants loose under my skin. It makes my skin crawl. However, when most people hug, they don't do it very lightly. When most people hug, they do it tight enough that it doesn't bother me. I actually like hugs. Getting a hug on a bad day can make it better. Getting a hug any day is good :) Nevertheless, I have to be expecting the hug. People can't just come up, grab me, and hug me. My body instinctively does one of two things: stiffens up and tries to fight back or goes limp and tries to escape. It's a fight or flight response, and I can't help it. However, if I'm expecting you to hug me or if I hug you, it's all cool.
What I don't like are handshakes when I first meet someone. Can we adopt a custom from another culture in which we don't have to touch each other when introducing ourselves? This is where my autism and OCD mix together. Sometimes, I don't like shaking people's hands because they are sweaty, rough, or they grip my hand too tight. However, it's also because I know how dirty people's hands are. I shake people's hands because I don't want to be rude. I don't like it, though. I'd rather find another way to introduce myself to them. Like...bowing. Maybe we could start bowing to each other. Lol
My sensitivities get worse when my anxiety is higher. It's like my mind thinks it has to be on high alert, which makes me more sensitive to everything. For example, when meet new people or being in a big crowd, my sensitivity to touch will be worse. It's rather unfortunate actually. Being in bigger crowds increases the chances of someone brushing up against you. I know that, and that just raises my anxiety even more. It's a vicious cycle. However, the more comfortable and calm I am, the less it bothers me. For example, when I'm around my family or at my own home. Anxiety is low situations like that. My mind doesn't feel the need to protect itself, and I'm less sensitive to things.
I hope I explained that well enough today Lol. Just because a person with autism is sensitive to touch doesn't mean they don't like hugs and affection. Just because we might have a high tolerance for pain doesn't mean it doesn't bother us when you brush up against us. Just because we like some forms of physical contact (hugs) doesn't mean we like others (handshakes). This is why it's important to get to know the person with autism. You can't just learn about autism in general. Autism looks different in each person. I am a person with autism; I am not a diagnosis. It's like they say, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Why Do You Always Wear Jeans?
People often question me or comment on the way I dress. Nothing bad. I just have a simple yet unique style of dress. As I've said before, people with autism can have sensory issues, like touch. Certain kinds of clothing or fabrics can be intolerable for us to wear. Things you may not think are a big deal can be a nightmare for us. I'll give some of my personal examples.
I hardly ever wear shorts or Capri pants. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside; you will most likely see me in jeans. Why? A few reasons. First, the less skin I expose, the better. For one thing, it's hard to find a pair of young women's shorts that don't show just a little to much. Second, my skin is sensitive to the touch. I hate it when things brush up against me or lightly touch my skin. If I wear pants all the time, there's less of a chance anything will come in contact with the skin on my legs. Plus, denim is thicker, which means I'll feel even less. It also goes with pretty much anything. It's durable, too. I work with kids, and denim stands up to all the messes that happen at the preschool (eg. paint, dirt, food, and unfortunately, bodily fluids).
This next one is something that I didn't notice until someone else recently pointed it out. I only wear short-sleeved shirts if it's going to be fairly warm outside. Otherwise, I wear long-sleeved shirts. However, no matter what kind of shirt I wear, I always carry a jacket with me. May not be a heavy coat, mind you, but I carry some kind of jacket. Ever since that got pointed out to me, I've worked out why. First, it's like the thing with wearing pants all the time. My skin is sensitive, and I don't like things brushing up against it. Solution=long sleeves. Now, obviously that can't happen all the time because it gets super hot sometimes. I do wear short-sleeved shirts, and I'm not sure if it affects me when I'm around people. For example, do I stand further away from people or pull back from them because I don't want them to accidentally brush up against me? Second reason has to do with the jacket. I'm a cold-natured person. I get cold easily. That's why it has to be hot for me to wear short sleeves. I'm so sensitive to the cold that even just a little drop in temperature, and I have my jacket on. That may also explain the jeans. It's easy to wear a short-sleeved shirt and put on a jacket if I get cold. It harder to wear shorts and carry around extra pants in case I get cold.
Dressing up nicer is fun sometimes. Wearing skirts or dresses. However, I only do that every now and then. I feel like skirts and dresses are restricting. I have to sit and walk certain ways. Have you seen me?! I do not sit like a normal person, but I have to in a skirt or dress lol. Skirts and dresses aren't me. Sure, they look nice for special occasions, and I'll do that. Other than that, forget it.
Here are a few extras. I rarely wear flip flops or sandals unless I'm at the beach or swimming or someplace like that. I find them extremely uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially ones that go between your toes. I like TOMS, Nike tennis shoes, Converse, and my black Earth Shoe boots. If I dress up, I will wear the appropriate shoes. Other than that, I stick with my favorites. I don't like hats. They make it feel like my head is being squeezed, and it eventually gives me a headache. I don't wear jewelry, mostly because I can't keep up with it lol. Also because it's a hassle. Bracelets don't fit my wrists and slide everywhere. The adjustable ones pinch my arms. Necklaces are ok, but sometimes the clasps get caught in my long hair. Any kind of dangling earring is annoying because it's constantly touching my face. I don't like wool or any kind of similar, itchy fabric. I don't like the stuff windbreakers are made out of. It's unnecessarily loud, and I hate the sound it makes when it rubs against itself. I don't like tags. If they become a bother, I rip them out of clothing.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my sensitivities when it comes to clothing. However, I hope it gives you an idea of what it's like. Have I tried to "expand my wardrobe"? Yes. Have I tried new things when it comes to fashion? Yes. Have you tried "this"; have you tried "that"? Probably. It doesn't matter. I can do those "new" and "glamorous" things only once in a while. For everyday wear, I'll stick with what I know best. Besides, I believe my beauty isn't defined by the way I look. It's defined by who I am and what I do, my character and my actions.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
I hardly ever wear shorts or Capri pants. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside; you will most likely see me in jeans. Why? A few reasons. First, the less skin I expose, the better. For one thing, it's hard to find a pair of young women's shorts that don't show just a little to much. Second, my skin is sensitive to the touch. I hate it when things brush up against me or lightly touch my skin. If I wear pants all the time, there's less of a chance anything will come in contact with the skin on my legs. Plus, denim is thicker, which means I'll feel even less. It also goes with pretty much anything. It's durable, too. I work with kids, and denim stands up to all the messes that happen at the preschool (eg. paint, dirt, food, and unfortunately, bodily fluids).
This next one is something that I didn't notice until someone else recently pointed it out. I only wear short-sleeved shirts if it's going to be fairly warm outside. Otherwise, I wear long-sleeved shirts. However, no matter what kind of shirt I wear, I always carry a jacket with me. May not be a heavy coat, mind you, but I carry some kind of jacket. Ever since that got pointed out to me, I've worked out why. First, it's like the thing with wearing pants all the time. My skin is sensitive, and I don't like things brushing up against it. Solution=long sleeves. Now, obviously that can't happen all the time because it gets super hot sometimes. I do wear short-sleeved shirts, and I'm not sure if it affects me when I'm around people. For example, do I stand further away from people or pull back from them because I don't want them to accidentally brush up against me? Second reason has to do with the jacket. I'm a cold-natured person. I get cold easily. That's why it has to be hot for me to wear short sleeves. I'm so sensitive to the cold that even just a little drop in temperature, and I have my jacket on. That may also explain the jeans. It's easy to wear a short-sleeved shirt and put on a jacket if I get cold. It harder to wear shorts and carry around extra pants in case I get cold.
Dressing up nicer is fun sometimes. Wearing skirts or dresses. However, I only do that every now and then. I feel like skirts and dresses are restricting. I have to sit and walk certain ways. Have you seen me?! I do not sit like a normal person, but I have to in a skirt or dress lol. Skirts and dresses aren't me. Sure, they look nice for special occasions, and I'll do that. Other than that, forget it.
Here are a few extras. I rarely wear flip flops or sandals unless I'm at the beach or swimming or someplace like that. I find them extremely uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially ones that go between your toes. I like TOMS, Nike tennis shoes, Converse, and my black Earth Shoe boots. If I dress up, I will wear the appropriate shoes. Other than that, I stick with my favorites. I don't like hats. They make it feel like my head is being squeezed, and it eventually gives me a headache. I don't wear jewelry, mostly because I can't keep up with it lol. Also because it's a hassle. Bracelets don't fit my wrists and slide everywhere. The adjustable ones pinch my arms. Necklaces are ok, but sometimes the clasps get caught in my long hair. Any kind of dangling earring is annoying because it's constantly touching my face. I don't like wool or any kind of similar, itchy fabric. I don't like the stuff windbreakers are made out of. It's unnecessarily loud, and I hate the sound it makes when it rubs against itself. I don't like tags. If they become a bother, I rip them out of clothing.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of all my sensitivities when it comes to clothing. However, I hope it gives you an idea of what it's like. Have I tried to "expand my wardrobe"? Yes. Have I tried new things when it comes to fashion? Yes. Have you tried "this"; have you tried "that"? Probably. It doesn't matter. I can do those "new" and "glamorous" things only once in a while. For everyday wear, I'll stick with what I know best. Besides, I believe my beauty isn't defined by the way I look. It's defined by who I am and what I do, my character and my actions.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Get in the Zone
I can't believe it's already Saturday again. I feel like I just wrote one of these the other day lol. I feel like I've been in my own world half of the time this week. That's where our topic comes from today. I'm very much an introvert. It's not that I don't like hanging out with people; I do. It's just that being around people eventually drains my energy, and I have to be alone in order to recharge. I also get overwhelmed easily. My senses are more sensitive than other people's, and I can often have sensory overload. It's harder for me to interpret and understand emotions, my own and other people's. At times, my emotions can overtake my mind and shut it down.
I've always compared the mind to a computer. My computer runs a little different than yours does. It processes information differently than yours does. Sometimes, it runs a little slower than yours does, and you have to be patient with it. Have you ever had a computer freeze up on you because you thought it was going too slow so you kept clicking the mouse? Same thing happens in my head. The more information that keeps coming into it, the slower it runs. If you don't give it time to process it all, it will eventually crash. This is when I feel completely overwhelmed and will usually start crying.
However, I have come to notice something that is a kind of warning sign before I reach that point-of-no-return. I've noticed that when my mind starts reaching its limit, when I have used up almost all of my energy, I start zoning out. I won't realize it until someone says something to me, snapping me out of it. That's when I realize I've been staring off into space, totally unaware of anyone or anything around me. I've worked out that this is a way my mind warns me that it's reaching its simmering point, and that I should leave as soon as possible.
However, I think it's also a kind of protection. I've noticed that if I can't leave right away, I will keep zoning in and out. I think this is my mind's way of trying to stay connected in the present moment like its supposed to, but also trying to shut down and process things at the same time. So I'll be present in the moment then, for a few moments, I'll completely zone out. Then the cycle repeats until I can actually get away and fully recharge. I've noticed this happens when I'm around people for too long or when I'm in an environment with too much sensory stimuli.
Sounds like a very frustrating computer to work with, doesn't it? ;) May be, but don't worry. I have almost 25 years of experience with it. It may not be perfect (but whose is), and it may be hard. However, I do my best.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
I've always compared the mind to a computer. My computer runs a little different than yours does. It processes information differently than yours does. Sometimes, it runs a little slower than yours does, and you have to be patient with it. Have you ever had a computer freeze up on you because you thought it was going too slow so you kept clicking the mouse? Same thing happens in my head. The more information that keeps coming into it, the slower it runs. If you don't give it time to process it all, it will eventually crash. This is when I feel completely overwhelmed and will usually start crying.
However, I have come to notice something that is a kind of warning sign before I reach that point-of-no-return. I've noticed that when my mind starts reaching its limit, when I have used up almost all of my energy, I start zoning out. I won't realize it until someone says something to me, snapping me out of it. That's when I realize I've been staring off into space, totally unaware of anyone or anything around me. I've worked out that this is a way my mind warns me that it's reaching its simmering point, and that I should leave as soon as possible.
However, I think it's also a kind of protection. I've noticed that if I can't leave right away, I will keep zoning in and out. I think this is my mind's way of trying to stay connected in the present moment like its supposed to, but also trying to shut down and process things at the same time. So I'll be present in the moment then, for a few moments, I'll completely zone out. Then the cycle repeats until I can actually get away and fully recharge. I've noticed this happens when I'm around people for too long or when I'm in an environment with too much sensory stimuli.
Sounds like a very frustrating computer to work with, doesn't it? ;) May be, but don't worry. I have almost 25 years of experience with it. It may not be perfect (but whose is), and it may be hard. However, I do my best.
"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~
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