Asperger's Syndrome in the Workplace

My boss at my new job is so awesome! It came up in a conversation that I have Asperger Syndrome. She was so interested in learning more and talking to me about it. Several kids with autism have come through the preschool and a few are enrolled there now. Her husband even does research and works with people with autism! I've never had a boss who would understand so much. She told me she was so excited about getting to know and talk to an adult on the autism spectrum, and that I told her I'm always willing to answer questions. She told me she's always worked with children on the spectrum, and a lot of them don't fully understand their condition and how it affects them. They can't voice some of the things they are feeling or experiencing. Since one of my special interests is actually autism, even before I was diagnosed, I feel I can be one of those voices. 
The other day, my boss even set up a meeting with the other teacher I regularly work with in the afternoons. We talked about how my Asperger's affects me and what we could all do together to make it easier for me in the workplace. She wanted to make sure we all understood each other so no assumptions would be made about anything. We talked about my sensitive hearing and how we needed to work on the noise level in our room. We have little girls that like to squeal and talk loud indoors. They don't seem to understand inside voices. We talked about how I like to be notified of any changes to the schedule a little time beforehand so I can prepare and not be caught off guard. I mentioned how I like there is a printed schedule posted in our classroom so that I know what is coming up next and what time it happens. 
I mentioned how some days can be harder for me and some days can be really good. Therefore, we talked about both of us getting together as teachers at the beginning of our shift and asking each other what kind of day we're having. That way, we'll know beforehand if the other is having a harder day and can compensate. My boss also asked if I had anything I use that helps me cope and keep calm, like a stress ball or something. I do except it's not a stress ball. I use dice. I like to spin them on the table or roll them around in my hand. They also fit in my pocket easier LOL. We talked a little about some other characteristics of autism that don't really affect the workplace but were interesting to both of them. My coworker is actually going to school to be a teacher in public schools. She also said she was interested in learning more about autism. We talked about special interests autistic people have and what mine were. We talked about how Asperger's individuals usually have high IQ's and that I graduated Valedictorian in high school. My boss only knew this because of my resume I turned in to get the job LOL. I loved our conversation and how I have such a supportive boss and coworkers. 

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~

Dreadful Dentist Visits

So a few weeks ago, I had to go to the dentist for my yearly check up and cleaning. Now, I don't like the dentist. I assumed everyone didn't like the dentist either. After our appointments, I talked to my mom and brother about how they felt about the dentist. I learned they actually don't have a problem with the dentist and getting their teeth cleaned. My mom told me she can actually almost fall asleep sometimes. I never realized this. When I get anything done at the dentist, my whole body is tense. Everything they do hurts or feels weird to me. Also, the noises of their instruments scraping against my teeth feel like they are drilling into my head. I can't stand it. I have to ask the hygenist to take breaks from her work because I get overwhelmed by all of it. Although I like the way my teeth feel after I leave the dentists office, I don't like the process it takes to get them there. I learned it is because of my autism that I have a harder time at the dentist's office. Because of my sensory issues, it's a difficult thing for me. While most people can get through it easily, I struggle to stay calm and bear through it. The sensory issues in my mouth don't stop there either. I mentioned in my last post that I have food sensitivities. I also have to force myself to brush my teeth everyday because it feels so weird. However, sometimes I need more sensory input. That's when I like to chew on things like ice or straws. Even when I was a kid, I was one of those kids that constantly chewed on my shirt. My mom hated it haha. So, that's the story of how I just recently learned my autism is responsible for my dislike of the dentist. 

 "I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently. I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way." ~Me~

Picky Eating In Autism

     Today, I want to talk about one of the characteristics of autism spectrum disorders that affects me the most...eating sensitivities.  This has been a problem for me ever since I was little.  My parents were often frustrated and confused by my extremely picky attitude towards eating.  It was a struggle just to get me to eat a few bites of foods that weren't my favorites.  I also despised the food in the school cafeteria.  It disgusted me, and I usually didn't eat much at lunch during school.  This, of course, was not healthy, especially for me because I suffer from hypoglycemia.  
     Over time, my favorite foods have changed.  When I was around two years old, all I wanted to eat was Cheetos.  Through grade school, one of my favorite things was Goldfish crackers.  Currently, I am not all that into eating meat, which again is not good, because of my low B-12 levels.  My favorite thing right now is pasta.  Any kind of pasta.  I like a variety of sauces, although meat sauce is not my favorite.  Also, too much cheese sauce makes me sick and nauseous.  Plain tomato sauce is my favorite.  One example of my changing likes and dislikes is asparagus.  I used to hate it as a kid, like most kids would.  When I tried it for the first time, I liked it and ate it for a while.  Then one day, something changed, and I hated it again.  I haven't liked it since.  I just now, in the past year or so, started liking cooked carrots.  I used to only like them raw.
     Even though my sensitivities have gotten better over time, they are still a major factor in my life.  They still hinder me quite a bit.  An example of them getting better would be pizza.  When I was younger, I used to eat pizza by first eating the toppings, then the cheese, and the crust.  Now, I can eat pizza all at once like everyone else.  However, I still will only eat pepperoni pizza.  Texture and taste are my main problems with food.  Things that are slimy, gritty, lumpy, or things like that are unappealing to me.  Also, things that taste too spicy, sour, unusual, or things like don't appeal to me either.  Here are some examples:  

• slimy-asparagus, the fat on meat
• gritty-applesauce, pears
• lumpy-tapioca pudding, mashed potatoes that aren't fully mashed

Many people don't understand my extreme food sensitivities.  Some think it's something a person with autism can get over or that it's all in our heads.  It's not.  It has to do with the way our minds process sensory information.  We can't change the way our minds are wired and work.  Some of my friends, however, understand my sensory issues and are mindful when we eat together.  They know that if I don't eat something, it's because of my autism; not because I'm being rude.  They then are not offended.  Some friends, if they cooked the food, even make different or special foods if they know I will not like foods they have prepared or were thinking of preparing.  I love having supportive and understanding people!  Bottom line:  Be understanding of people with autism and their sensitivities to foods, or any sensitivities for that matter. They aren't being rude or difficult.  It's just a trait of the condition that they can't help.

"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently.  I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."  ~Me~

My 22nd Birthday!

Well, I'm technically 22 today as I'm writing this.  It kind of feels weird.  I keep telling people that when I was 21, I still felt like I could be young and do the whole college thing; partying and going out and doing whatever.  Now that I'm 22, I feel I have to grow up a lot.  Twenty-two just seems so much more adult.  I mean, in reality nothing is probably going to change much other than I'm most likely getting a job...finally!  Also, since I will have a job, I can then get an apartment and be on my own.  Again, more adult-like.  I hope I'm ready for this.  It's a little intimidating.  It's a conflict really.  On one hand, I want the responsibility and the independence.  On the other hand, I'm afraid I'll mess it up and not be able to handle it.  In a way, I want to stay carefree and under some kind of supervision.  Then I think about it, and I realize I don't.  Maybe that's a normal feeling.  
Overall, I'm excited for my birthday and turning 22.  It's always funny telling the people who have known me since I was little how old I am every birthday.  They can't believe I'm already 22 because they've known me for years.  It makes them feel old, and their reactions make me laugh.  I do, however, have to take a final on my birthday...boo.  Oh well.  I'm meeting up with some great friends tomorrow for some Bible study.  Then probably going to go bowling or something with a bunch of people for my birthday.  No telling because one of my friends is planning it, and he's really random about stuff haha.  Then might even go to an all night worship and prayer session.  It's gonna be an awesome day no matter what happens.  


"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently.  I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."  ~Me~

A Time of Regression

     So my semester at school is coming to an end, which is really stressful.  Projects are due, grades have to be maintained, finals to worry about...it's all so crazy!  With the increasing stress comes regression into autism.  Let me explain.
     In times of regression, my autism gets worse.  Social situations are harder to be in.  Verbal communication becomes even more difficult.  I am more easily overwhelmed and overstimulated.  My repetitive behaviors come out more often and are more severe.  I need more time to myself away from other people.  I can get irritable and have meltdowns quicker as well.  Concentration and memory suffer, which is not good considering the importance of finals.  These are just some of the things that happen in regression.  It is actually a complex concept that even I'm still learning about.  It's even hard to explain to some of my friends and loved ones.  Some of them just don't understand how I can function so good some days, and then some days I can barely function at all.  However, there are a few people in my life that understand very well.  I consider them all very close friends, and I'm very grateful for their love and support.  
     Anyway, I can feel myself going down that road.  I can feel myself regressing as finals draw closer and closer.  I have more days of it being difficult to find the words to speak.  I'm having a harder time being around people that aren't close friends or family.  I have no desire or ability to meet new people at all, which our church group intern is insisting I do lately.  Staying focused in class is really difficult and remembering stuff for tests is even harder.  My already overactive senses are even more heightened, which means sensory overload more often.  My stimming, or repetitive, behaviors have also increased, like moving my hands, rocking, hair twirling, jumping around, etc.  Hopefully, once the semester ends, everything will calm down a little bit, and my autism will improve again.


"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently.  I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."  ~Me~

Mild Meltdown

     Yesterday was not a good day for me at all.  It was worse than a typical Monday.  First of all, I only got about 5 hours of sleep.  Then at lunch, I'm a leader at the college Baptist Student Ministry.  I was happy with greeting people at the door because it required superficial interaction.  However, one of our interns insisted I actually sit down and have conversations with people.  I was so not in the mood for this or her persistence.  So I picked an easy person to talk to...the speaker.  I knew that if she could speak in front of people, she'd be willing to speak to me.
     Then I had to go take a test in Anatomy & Physiology.  Even though I studied, the test was still hard.  After my test, I saw one of my guy friends in the hall and talked to him.  We made plans to go look at apartments together, but we were going to meet at his apartment first.  This meant I had to be around the "friend" that has been giving me a hard time about my autism and seizures lately (the one I mentioned in my last post).  Luckily, my other friends were there, and that's why I keep going over there.  Well, we didn't end up going to look for apartments because he had to go to a dinner date.  
     Anyway, while I was there, I'm pretty sure my "friend" that keeps patronizing me was talking behind my back.  I didn't hear exactly what she said, but I'm pretty sure my name was said.  I asked my other friend what was going on; why she didn't seem to like me anymore.  I asked why she was treating me different than she had before.  She said she didn't really know, but that it was probably that my seizures and autism freaked her out; that she wasn't used to them.  I said that it wasn't my fault, and that I couldn't help it.  She said she knew that, but that our other friend just didn't understand.  She told me to just ignore her and to remember I had plenty of other friends there that understood me and loved me for who I was.  I told her I was trying to ignore her, but it was hard because her attitude was making it awkward and tense between us when I was around her.  
     When I left, I went to Alpha (my Monday night Bible study).  The whole situation was eating away at my mind.  By the time I got to Alpha, my anxiety and anger were extremely high, and my brain could not function enough so that I could talk to people. When everyone else sat down in the group, I stood along the back wall, away from everyone else.  Lucky for me, one of my friends knows sign language, and we communicated across the room.  She eventually got me to go sit down beside her.  After the Bible study, I was "talking" to her about my day.  I was using my phone to communicate because talking still would've taken too much brain function. I was telling her why I was so stressed out and about my "friend" being so patronizing.  She empathized with me and prayed with me.
     When I got in my truck to drive home, I went into my meltdown.  I just couldn't stand the anxiety of the day anymore.  I was so overwhelmed.  I was crying uncontrollably and loudly. Sometimes in mild meltdowns, I do things that some might consider self-injurious behaviors. These usually include chewing on my fingers, fingernails, or the back of my hands.  It's because in a meltdown, my pain tolerance and need for sensory input is much higher.  I also don't realize I'm doing it most of the time. It doesn't hurt me and is usually not a big deal because I don't mutilate my skin or anything.
     I was crying so hard, it was choking me to the point that I would cough and gag.  It took me the whole way home to calm down, which takes about 30 minutes.  Keep in mind, that's just a mild meltdown.  When people leave me alone or know how to intervene effectively, meltdowns will usually only be mild. However, when people won't leave me alone or don't know how to intervene effectively and end up raising my anxiety, the meltdown could be worse. It also just makes me feel worse emotionally and physically. When I got home at 10pm, I fell asleep for 2 hours.  I woke up and tried to go back to sleep.  After lying there for an hour, I gave up.  I didn't go back to sleep again until 3am.
     So, that was my Monday.  Crazy!


"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently.  I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."  ~Me~

Autism Awareness

     The other day, I encountered something I haven't had to deal with in a while...a person who didn't understand autism.  It's always discouraging to me when I come across a person like this, especially when they are a friend of mine.  So, the other day, I was having a bad day when it comes to my autism, and my characteristics were showing up more.  I was having significant difficulty communicating with others and, in fact, didn't want to speak at all if I could help it.  I was also expressing stimming behaviors like rocking and bouncing.  My friend's anxiety was also increasing, as she had never seen this in me before.  She kept asking me to stop, and I would try.  However, the more I tried, the more anxious I became.  Therefore, the more the behaviors continued.  One of my other friends, who understands my autism very well, was standing up for me and trying to explain to her what was going on.  She was also making jokes at our friend so as to lessen the tension (she was not making jokes at me.)
     A couple days later, I was talking to this friend about this episode that she seemed to have a problem with.  She confessed that she was a little freaked out and annoyed with the episode displayed.  She said she's been around autistic people, but I still don't think she fully understands that not all autistic people are alike.  I tried my best to explain.  She said that I needed to learn to control the episodes.  What she doesn't understand is that they are an involuntary response to extreme frustration, stress, overstimulation, being overwhelmed, or things like that.  I've tried to, in the past, "control" them or "just ignore" them, but it doesn't work.  If I try to go on like normal in these times, my anxiety level will rise to dangerous levels and could cause a meltdown or shutdown, which she definitely doesn't want to see.  I'll talk about meltdowns and shutdowns in autism and Asperger's in another post some other time, as they are a very complex topic.
     Anyway, seeing I wasn't going to get through to her in the current conversation we were having, I ended up apologizing to her for annoying her and freaking her out!  However, I feel now that I shouldn't have had to apologize to her for anything.  Autism is a part of who I am.  It always has been, and it always will be.  This is why awareness needs to be raised about autism, for children and adults both.  Nobody with autism should have to apologize or be antagonized for having autism or displaying the behaviors that go along with it, especially if they aren't harming anyone.  I hope one day I can get her and all others to understand what we as autistics deal with on a daily basis.  Help us spread awareness of autism and its signs.  


"I live in the same world you do; I just experience it differently.  I am a human being with feelings, just like you; I just express them in my own way."  ~Me~